Have Yourself

Went to watch The Secret Life of Bees yesterday. Alone. Love it so much and I wonder why it didn't get much air time. There were many talented people in there like Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, Paul Bettany, as well as Jennifer Hudson and Alicia Keys. I love the story. I love the whole thing. Being the emotional me (currently), I actually teared quite a lot during the movie. It's not really all rosy and happy and I realize I really do like things to be all happy and wonderful, but I guess real life is not like that. Can't really recommend this to a guy, but even for girls, I realize this type of movie may not jell so well either. It's quite particular for some people, I suppose and for me I just love it! I did feel that the movie was based on a book and I was right. I am sure the book itself is wonderful.

Today, I went to watch Bolt. Alone as well. Well, I don't want to elaborate much about it. I guess if you can't have anyone, have yourself. I have a really really bad day today. Hmm ... how about bad weeks? bad months? I've been feeling miserable constantly or as someone pointed out to me last week, "moody" that I didn't even make time for lunch with him (yeah, whatever!). Anyways so I told mom that I was watching a movie alone, after I told her that I was so boiling mad. She said how can I still concentrate watching a movie. Mom is so right, of course. My mind did wander as I was watching the movie so Bolt which is so highly praised by many people, didn't really make much impact on me *sigh* I didn't feel much for Bolt. I love Mittens' black fur but somehow she's too skinny to be lovable. Rhino was cute of course but even him failed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (I am so disturbed!). I felt that Rhino was quite Jack Black but Jack Black wasn't the one who voiced him. Anyway, on a better mood, I do feel I might enjoy the movie more.

So ... life has been quite tough for me. I just feel so burdened with so many things and feel that things really don't go well for me. I am so unlucky. Being so emotional, I actually had a break down on Friday and cried pretty badly in front of Lois. Poor her had to watch me be a basket case. I told her that the last time I cried that badly in that place was when Astley died *sigh* Being the nice her, she told me to let it out and said that everyone has their down time *sigh* I just fell apart there and then. Looking at it now, I thought I was such a moment of weakness. I actually felt that way the second my tears fell, but like a dam which is broken, the tears just flowed unstoppable. Some people may have noticed me and was concerned *sigh*

I just feel very very very very sad, then angry. I have lots of sadness and anger. They come and go interchangeably. So much negativity inside me. So much ... so much so that I really can't think of anything to lift me up. Some people did say the right thing, mom, dad, Lois, Oshie. They did calm me a bit but it's a whirlwind inside me. Aaarrrgghh ... I still have to deal with tomorrow! Honestly I am losing my fighting spirit. I may end up being quiet and just accept the fact that I am the stupid one and then go and cry in the corner *sigh*

:) eKa @ 10:44:00 PM •

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