Day Off

So today because of the Lebaran holiday, I have that rare Saturday day off. I know many people would think that a holiday that fall on a Saturday is a waste, yeah me too but I'm kinda glad that I have this day off. I got the chance to wake up late, sleeping without setting my alarm clock. It's such a bliss and I can't believe I'm already feeling sleepy again though I actually woke up less than 2 hours ago. I should sleep again soon.

I've decided that this weekend is going to be a total relaxing and lazying one. I'm gonna lie down much, off the computer, and watch tv more intently. So strange, I thought I was gonna go crazy and do much stuff today since I have this rare day off, but since I'm mostly out on Saturdays then staying in and enjoying my bed seems to be the logical need. Then there's Friday night in which I normally avoid to stay up late. Yesterday I did went out though didn't stay out until that late. Went for dinner and Mr. Woodcock with La Gioia, NanSee, and yMaggio. I wasn't really keen on Mr. Woodcock, I think Sicko was worth watching more. I tried to book Sicko but my Internet connection failed on me and it was really divine intervention because we wouldn't be able to make it on time. Me and La Gioia had an unforeseen misfortune. Seriously, I don't make it up when I say that I have lots of irritating thing to deal and endure with. I had already endured Thursday and then I had to deal with Friday as well *sigh* I have to say though that I was in a better mood on Friday, I think because I felt glad that today is a holiday, a fact that many of you may have taken for granted, just another weekend for you. I have to mention this, that as I was sitting there on Friday, I saw starfish's nickname, something like ...what's that? the smell of rendang?. Aaah, I was so jealous. I was thinking he might be counting the minutes, less than an hour to break fast, and there I was wondering how long more I had to sit down. We got to go off earlier, which I suppose was nice, since people like tall coconut may have to endure another hour or so. Anyways, so me and the girls had movie, then dinner was at Marche because let's face it, I need good food. I ate a whole lot (as expected), somehow these days I make it a mission of mine to try to eat as much as I can despite of me being full. So they were mushroom soup, the main dish, and a slice of fruit cake (which was quite big). I eat for comfort? This spells doom. So please shout at me people if you see me getting wider. Ha! As if I would listen

So today is Lebaran. Mom is having a 2-day off. I wonder with me and my bro not around, if she is making ketupat because I miss it so. I miss my mom's ketupat. Actually I kinda appreciate the fasting month for its glorious food. I love kolak so much for example. I'm not gonna even bother to explain it to non-Indonesian. My mom loves to make it during the fasting month when we were younger, but at this age (mine and hers and my dad's) too much fattening coconut oil is going to kill us. Then of course, I love the ketupat, I love sampling the different specialty dish from our neighbours which would have come to our home yesterday. I would really really love to spend lebaran at home, though I am not a Muslim. However, it's so unlikely that I go home just for lebaran *sigh* Anyways, so yeah I miss home a lot.

Last Wednesday was spent at my room (when I made that emotional post before this) because I felt so lightheaded that I was pretty worried that I'm gonna have a blackout (which had happened before). Oh, the price that my body has to pay for coming back to normality. Moral of the story is try to be less stressed, Eka!. But somehow I just think that it's beyond my control, because as much as I can control it mentally, my body just takes its own course. Talking about taking control mentally, I kinda failed on Wednesday. I tried to sleep at night and I just couldn't really so, I just felt so miserable and resistant about waking up the next day that I ended up crying. I hadn't been crying about my life issue for the longest time and at that time I did. So I shouted to God and while I was at it, somewhat calling out to Astley as well. Yes, I am mental. I thought since he was in a different plane of existence, he may be able to help me out (what the hell am I talking about?). It just felt so difficult at that time and I was so sad, so tired, so done with everything, and so unable to fathom how I was to continue on. Then as usual, the morning after I woke up, went to the shower, dressed myself, and tried somewhat to keep the emotional distraught invisible. A walking wall basically, throw your best punch at me, so far I think I may have shown signs of cracking but not collapsing yet, at least not in front of the public. Okay enough about all these nonsense.

So Wednesday I got the chance to watch Martha Stewart and I love the song they used to open the show, which was Am I the Same Girl and the version that I located is from Swing Out Sisters. I really love it and the lyric was interesting too.

Why don't you stop and look me over
Am I the same girl you used to know?

Why don't you stop and think it over
Am I the same girl who knew your soul?

I'm the one you want and I'm the one you need
I'm the one you love
I'm the one you used to meet

Around the corner ... everyday
We would meet
and slip away
But we we're much too young
To love each other this way

Am I the same girl? (yes I am, yes I am)
Am I the same girl? (yes I am, yes I am)

Why don't you stop and look me over
Am I the same girl you used to know?
Why don't you stop and think it over
Am I the same girl who knew your soul?

I'm the one you hurt and I'm the one you need
I'm the one who cried
I'm the one you used to meet
But you are pretending you don't care
But the fire is still there
Now we are no longer too young
To love each other this way

Have you ever felt the need for something more
With every week comes scratching at your door
Have you ever stopped and wonder what it is you're searching for
Push your luck too far with me
But if you push it any further
You won't have any

:) eKa @ 11:42:00 AM •

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