241007

Feeling rather sleepy right now. I did have quite a long day. Will be writing these in points again.

1. Morning engagement as usual, after which I met up with Vivy for lots of Indonesian food and a movie, Rendition. I didn't know what the movie was about coming into the cinema. However I was pleasantly surprised and entertained. The movie was starring Meryl Streep, Jake Gyllenhaal, Reese Witherspoon, and Alan Arkin. It was a drama which centered around this Egyptian guy who was accused of having an involvement in a suicide bomb attack, when in fact he wasn't. He was a good guy who had stayed in America for more than 20 years. The story centered around him, his pregnant wife, the people in the intelligence who tortured him (which was nasty by the way, I wonder if it does really happen to all those terrorist suspects now), and the family and love story of one of the local force figure. It was rather interesting. The climax of the movie was interesting because it revealed that 2 plots of the story were running in different timeline. Me and Vivy was kinda talking about it during the movie and we were hushed and was told to stop talking by an "ang moh". It was rather embarrassing. In a way, I wonder if we were too loud, because I would hate people who talk in movies as well. Perhaps we were *sigh*

2. Did some unnecessary shopping today. 2 pair of shoes, which now after my second try, they didn't look that amazing. One of it was rather too big. See, my fault, I didn't spend much time in trying them. Ah ... I shouldn't regret.

3. This morning I set my alarm clock at 06:30 am, hoping that I could get up early and squeezed in a morning prayer, but in the end I didn't manage to go to the temple. When my phone alarm rang this morning, I switched on my phone and came all the messages by starfish, which felt rather annoying because my phone wasn't in silent mode and so his messages were pouring in with annoying sound. So that caused me to lie in my bed longer and with the rain (again on a Saturday!), I ended waking up quite late. So all I could manage was getting myself ready fast so that I wouldn't be late.

4. Starfish was writing long messages (which can form a paragraph) to me this morning, telling me his outcome on making a definition with his mawar. I seriously don't think I am good in understanding and giving comments about relationship. Look people, I have noone and people I know who are my age are marrying here and in Jakarta (I wonder if Indonesian tend to marry at an early age, but this Indonesian is so unlucky) and having baby (Ayu told me she's expecting and she counted that I screamed "Oh my God!" 5 times). Anyways, so I really do not know if my comments are helpful. I just hope I didn't do any damage with my comments because I analyse the situation with a very independent, solitary and perhaps selfish view, because I put my well being above all. Given a situation, I tend to see it in a way to make the person (imagining me to be in that situation) be better off. I often told people, come on! find a better person, you deserve better and such when the real truth is I'm a sucker with emotion and I don't apply what I said to myself. I like the wrong guy and I cling to that feeling without even trying to remove it and normally it ends up hurting me so much and makes me sad for quite a long time before I finally can really move on. I guess what I want to say is that, I know that sometime people just want to share their feeling and frustration and I appreciate it so much. I often feel rather touched that people entrust these personal stories to me and I just hope that my insensitive thoughts do not damage the possibility of things progressing in the future in their lives.

6. Anyways, starfish wrote those messages sometime after 6 am as well. When I was getting ready to wake up, he was most probably getting ready to sleep. Found out he actually spent a good time (if we exclude the not-encouraging-definition attempt) watching the night and waiting for sunrise by the Singapore river. I told him, I wish I could do the same. I wish I can get a real guy to do it with, a real nice guy. I have enough of hearing things like if we go to Italy, it will be a 1 way ticket for both of us. It sounds nice but the guy is surely not taking flight with me *sigh* I want a real guy!

7. Failure is looming in front of me, above me that if I think about it, I'll get so stressed up and this really stresses me up more than anything else that I have to handle right now. I try to prepare myself but everytime, I ended up feeling more demoralized. I think I'm gonna get a "troll". I'm still trying though, I should not stop fighting.

8. Was looking down at my book today because I think I spaced out again (this happens often recently) and I saw the small picture from the painting The Birth of Venus at the cover of my book. I was thinking Venus was actually a bit fat, she's not skinny. Well she was not fat actually, she's normal and normal is good! It kinda make me feel better seeing her normal body, which if you go to that wiki link, you'll know her body is actually not normal at all. I guess what I am trying to say, it's good to know that the beautiful her (she's really beautiful in the painting) was painted with a normal body weight. Yes, I am that weird!

Okay, done. It's really hot right now, take care peeps.

:) eKa @ 8:50:00 PM •

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