Saturday, September 08, 2007

of Thoughts 08/09/07

I find it amazing that just because I read an email that caused me to be distraught just now, I kinda forget the other things that happened today, among which was one shocking thing that almost made me wanna shout it to the world when it happened.

Let's start with that dreadful email. It was actually not a dreadful email. There wasn't any bad news but perhaps I have certain issues hence I saw it differently. As what often happen, in that instant when I was bothered, the mind wondered quite rapidly and all possibilities and thoughts came to mind. There were actually 2 things that bothered me. The first one actually like that older brother story (the prodigal son) in the bible, for those who do not know, read this. I suppose I have to be nicer to people? People deserve the blessing that they get even if I don't think they deserve it? God sees it differently I suppose and perhaps now it's not so much about them, maybe it's God's way to make me accept that prodigal son story, because even though it's written in the bible, I don't agree with it. I am so like the older brother. The other things that bothered me in the email was ... well I thought it was because I care too much. I do care about certain stuff despite of me saying "I don't freaking care!!!" a whole lot of time. So I'm pretty particular about some stuffs, which actually often happen, which may make me seem so inflexible. Okay perhaps me being particular is also contributed a lot by me trusting myself more that anyone else, which also come from me relying on myself more than anyone else. So how to accept a situation that I actually care but seem to have no control on? Well, perhaps it is not meant for me to control? I have to let go? Gosh, I have so many things that I have to learn in this maturity department. So help me God.

So today, was quite a day. Morning engagement went freaky. When a certain information was passed to me, I thought I was going to write a whole lot about it in this blog but now I'm rather drained emotionally. But let's talk about it, so you can give it some thoughts. So the freaky R (I think I shouldn't write his name due to legal issue, but people who share morning engagement with me will know exactly who he is) admitted that he likes young boys! Young boys, mind you and he gave kinda detailed explanation (though only in 1-2 sentences) in which way he likes them. He kinda looks up to Michael Jackson as a role model in this department and I kid you not! The thing is, he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with it. You wonder how could that be? Well, this is a guy who thought Thomas the tank engine was real and thought of retiring in Sodor (whose shape is surprisingly similar to Singapore). R is not actually some old man or something like that, he's a young guy who despite of his antics is I think quite brilliant in the brain department. I think he's mental and I don't think I'm wrong. So now the question is, someone told you that he likes young boys and how those young boys make him feel, so what are you gonna do about it? I was so disturbed and I wanted to shout it to so many people on the spot (I particularly missed Carl at that moment) however I had to bite my tongue. It's a very grave issue being made to my attention, I felt that action needed to be done but I can't because what am I to do? And yet sitting down and walking away felt wrong. What am I to do? Who should I talk to? I was thinking, one of the reason why I started my Saturday engagement was to get to know more people and yet I met someone like this. Maybe God wants me to learn to deal with crazy things better.

So other than those upsetting things, today had its good share of nice time. Nice food was involved. Went for a dim sum lunch with NanSee, I particularly enjoyed the chicken soup most of all. Then like some typical Singaporeans, we entered the moon cake exhibition in Takashimaya and tried pretty much most of the free sample. We were particularly obsessing for the durian ones. Then for dessert we had high tea in Borders cafe, cakes and tea. I was thinking we were living quite an extravagant life but excuses can easily be made for the spending. Ah, that's pretty much it. Lots of bad things occupying my head now, when I should be relaxing my mind *sigh*

:) eKa @ 10:54:00 PM •