Saturday, January 13, 2007
Week 1 - 2007
This week does feel like week 1 for me. Week 0 was tough and I was hoping that week 1 would be better, but it was busier. Very tiring. Was just happy that it was over at around 4 pm yesterday, only to feel quite nervous because I realized the week is not over yet. So many people were down with sickness these last 2 weeks. I had quite a bad cough earlier this week (blood was involved), mom was also down with cough, but we are all better now. However, many people were still down with the usual flu, cough, and fever. Some are recuperating, some are just in the initial state. Take care peeps.
Other than sickness, other things were...well, I can not really disclose it. There was a sad news. Still hoping that it will not happen so soon. But I guess everyone is trying not to waver now. Yesterday, I felt like I was lying to this bunch of people who I surprisingly was quite happy to meet. I guess because they were quite behaved yesterday. I was saying things like "I want..." and "We...". Well, I am not sure if I used "we". It's just I feel bad saying all those things, knowing that there will not be a "we" and all the "I want" is something that I will not see through until it is finished. It kinda affected me and see, I should not waver. I know this is silly but I feel it's like saying "I love you" to your boyfriend / girlfriend, though you don't really feel like that anymore and though you are thinking of breaking up. You say it because you haven't made the decision yet (though you are thinking about it) and it's just something that come out, out of habit. Ah, what do I know? I have no experience in relationship. Anyway, I really meant what I said and when the time comes, I really hope and wish they will be in good hands. I once heard this from a local tv drama, a saying that goes something like this "You know how much someone meant for you with how big the hole they leave behind, when they leave". So the arrogant me is thinking that I will be leaving quite a hole, when the fact is I may be gone unnoticed.
Been waking up late this week, I think it's because I have very little self-control. So even today I was late, quite embarrassing! I thought I would embarrass myself for being stupido instead I did it by being late. Sigh!!! I should have known that since today was our first meeting, everyone would be on time. Again, it's the lazy me fault. Today wasn't as bad as the worrying me expected. It was pretty good. Can not say the same thing for next week though, since we will be having changes. It's good to know that I am not the only one who are having apprehension. Ci manca Sabrina.
Since I didn't have any engagement today, I decided to collect my tickets home. Got it and sigh, just like everything else these days, it's like when I start realizing the fact of my remaining days, I get really scared. Talked to my mom on the phone today about what I want to do and of course, she being the nicest mom, let me do what I want. She can bear my brother, and so what I want is nothing compared to what my brother does. Will have a serious conversation about this when I'm home. Don't think that my dad will be too happy about it, but I guess all of us does what we want anyway.
Just went to Carl's blog and oh my goodness
We did have a small talk today about the age she's turning and how she already felt like committing a suicide
Of course, she is not being serious. Please don't think I hang out with depressed people. The thing is I am perhaps as depressed about turning to my age as Carl is. I wonder why is it so dreadful and to think of Carl, who I think is really really cool and I rarely stamp anyone as cool, can feel so down with her amazing life. I mean, seriously, if I can reach what Carl reaches in her age, I think I will be so happy. I guess there's always that incompleteness that one feel and perhaps that what makes her and me a bit down? Though we will never admit it. Seriously, this week I suddenly see that I think I am too alone, but what can I do about it. On one side, I feel I need to march on and be strong. On the other side, someone to take my hand, to be a team with me ... life would be so nice
(from the jazz song So Nice
) and when I think of this kinda thought, I think it's a sign of weakness
and the stubborn me don't want to be weak, or at least to be seen weak
Again, take care peeps! I am extremely tired, and it's only week 1. Gosh...I just want a good sleep, please God.
:) eKa @ 11:11:00 PM •