Monday, January 22, 2007

Wait It Out

Now I feel a bit like writing. It's more because this afternoon I did something that I've never thought I would be able to do. The thing is, I can dislike someone and not talk to that person ever again. I hold grudges and when I don't like someone, I wouldn't talk to that person, ever! Not even for the sake of being polite. If I freeze then that's it. Silence is pretty easy for me. However, today someone whom I pretty much imagined I wouldn't speak to ever again, someone whom I am not so keen on meeting, happened to bump into me. She said "Hi" and I actually replied. Goodness me! We didn't really make much of a conversation. I was pretty much stunned with me and I was trying to process the whole thing but I did manage to say goodbye. Well, after it's done, it's just done for me. Surprisingly, I am okay. It's like all the grudges and hatred that once filled the pages of my diary seemed like so unimportant. I am okay. I am guilty for hating and for having grudges and so much anger. I still understand how I felt last time but the point is, I am okay now and it kinda feels good. Hence the title, wait it out.

Time does heal all wound? Like this stupid heartbreak of mine. It's still a bit there, but hey I can feel that it is losing its weight. I am okay and I will be getting better. By the way, I have to applaud Vivy for guessing my msn nickname correctly (You and I, just you and I. There's never been us). She's so smart. The nick is actually part of the song lyric from Letto - U & I. Totally recommended! Anyway life has been ... well, it has its bad and tough times, like the fact that I haven't been sleeping well since the start of the year and strange dreams are haunting and tiring me out. However, there are good moments and even if it's only 15 minutes or so, I am pretty thankful about it. It's strange how a 15-minutes can change the outlook of the day. Okay, don't make that 15 minutes, make it a simple gesture from someone that only takes 1 minute. As I was telling Ms. J, it can make you smile and grin and feel sunshiny inside Oh yeah, I would like to welcome Ms. J into my club. She finally gets what I have been saying. Ah, our club of wolf in sheep clothing, our club of the gray area, where kindness can be seen as something else. I'd like to think that we should accept the kindness we receive and accept it as blessing, but I guess it can be so wrong *sigH* I have enough bad karma.

Had an interesting talk with Gascoigne before I left today. I always think of myself as being knowledgeable but when we were talking about dinosaur, I am so not! It's kinda embarrassing actually. I guess I felt embarrassed because he was emphasizing it also. He said I'd better not tell anyone that dinosaurs extinct because of the ice age. He thinks it's pretty embarrassing that I said that. Well, now I write it to you, so you know that dinosaur did not extinct because they were frozen to death. I know you do not know that either I think mammoth did, though. Gascoigne wanted to emphasize that dinosaur died because they couldn't adapt and in his amazingly enlighten philosophical brain, he said that human are one of the best creature who have the potential to adapt and so we should. I am seriously amused each time I can carry a thought provoking conversation with Gascoigne because he can be so right. Enlightenment from the dance floor, I suppose I guess I should really free myself, but I'm sorry, I have many inhibition. Slowly perhaps. I do want to be lighter like Gascoigne.

Meanwhile this picture was taken by Casryn when we and La Gioa were walking around the park. La Gioa was exploring places for her photo shoot. It was interesting. The park does have some nice spots. I especially like the small bamboo bushes near the murky pond with the gazebo. Anyway, that's me on the right and La Gioa on the left. Ah, I feel there's something wrong with the way I look, am I fat?

:) eKa @ 9:07:00 PM •