Blood Diamond, The Valkyries, and Parts of My Life in the Eyes of Others

Blood Diamond
Woke up quite early today for a bit of Jamie Oliver and Kids Central. Not gonna experience any of these anymore. Ms. J sent me an sms about something. Such thought-provoking conversation in a such-early-morning-for-the-lying-in-bed me (though it's around 9 AM). Somehow that continued to watching Blood Diamond and so just like that we went with the flyingNun in the afternoon. Ah...hopefully metallotoro doesn't get too sad that he wasn't asked.

Blood Diamond was very very good. I don't want to use the word awesome because the story is actually a sad one. I cannot find a better word in English to describe it, other than sad. In Indonesian it would be prihatin. Anyway, I think Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing. He really has some depth as an actor. Kinda remind me of Johnny Depp actually. They just seemed to be able to pick good roles and awed us with their performance. It would be interesting to see Leonardo in a romantic drama playing his handsome self, because his recent movies always portrayed him as not so clean cut anymore. In Blood Diamond, Leo spoke in African English, for a while I thought it would be fun hearing him in Singlish, him or any other Hollywood actors for that matter Djimon Hounsou was another good actor that should be noted in this movie. He was maybe slightly better than Leo. Either way, I wouldn't be surprised if they get Oscar Nomination. Jennifer Connelly was okay. I think the 2 male actors just had such strong presence that it somewhat overshadowed hers. Blood Diamond had a good story to begin with and I feel the story telling was also great. The beginning of the story already caught our attention so much and the rest was no disappointment. Leo's character died in the end, but I wasn't that moved because I felt that it just had to be, and I somewhat expected one of the main character would die. He died a good death anyway, so it's okay, I suppose. I was thinking that I should watch more good movies like this. Really really recommending this to anyone out there. It has good action scenes and the bottom line, the story is moving though perhaps the message it tried to deliver is not that easy to relate with. Not everyday one buys diamond and I am sure one wouldn't really spend much time to research if the diamond is a blood diamond. However, I do think the movie must be applauded for its effort to raise awareness.

The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho
Finished reading this book, around 2 weeks since I started it, which is considered quite fast for me. The book is about a spiritual journey, about love. The first sentence written at the back of the book cover was, Why is it that we destroy the things we love most?. You may disagree and find the sentence to be odd. But I think it's true, because I did / do that. The Mr may be able to say that merda must be flushed out, but hey the truth is, it was something good. From the short summary written at the back of the book, it seemed so interesting, hence why I bought it. I have no energy to write a summary of my own, so sorry. It wasn't a really easy book for me to read because the book explored spirituality and relationship with God in ways and methods that I wasn't "raised" or educated with. It's like, I'm gonna use Jesus as an example. You know the Christians believe in Jesus Christ and see Jesus as God. However, God itself, the Father (Jesus is the son) is a bigger concept than Jesus is. I always believe that there is God and I don't think that it is have to be through Jesus you can connect to God (though I am sure many Christians disagree with me). Coelho emphasized numerous time that God is love and I think this book explored the idea of relating with the love of God through other ways outside the boundaries of religions. At some parts, there were things that I agree and understand because it was similar with what I know. At other parts, I am just pretty skeptical because there are things that I would think wrong because the religion says so, but perhaps it you see it in a more universal Godly way, it becomes easier to accept.

Coelho wrote about getting forgiveness and I really relate with the fact that it is hard to receive forgiveness. Some may think it is easy, but it is true that it is us, ourself who is the most difficult person to forgive our own self. He also wrote about understanding and accepting blessing without thinking we are unworthy of it because of all the mistakes we make. I also relate with that. There are many times, I think I am not worthy to accept all the kindness that people give me because I am not really a good person. And as what Coelho was experiencing at the point of his journey, I am also in his cycle, of expecting a storm on a peaceful day. Everything goes alright in my life and yet I am like waiting in anticipation that surely a storm will come because again I am unworthy of a good life, and so without I know it, I may have sabotaged my own life just to satisfy that urge for the storm to come and hence you really do destroy the thing you love. Coelho went through quite a journey to get out of that cycle. I wonder how that would work out for me or if it will ever happen. I need to receive that forgiveness from God. What I mean by this is that, yes God forgives us but you yourself may not take the forgiveness He gives. The key is to forgive yourself first. It's a life process, I suppose and I need to give some time for me to ponder about this and experience it on my own.

It so happened, the pages that I read around 2 days ago talked about infatuation and love. Coelho was having an infatuation to one of the Valkyrie on that spiritual journey. He wrote about what makes infatuation different from love. The Mr was in disbelief because he doesn't think that one who is married would / should ever experience infatuation. To that I could only laugh Because I believe it can always happen. Coelho wrote Infatuation was a good thing. It gave spice to life, and added to its enjoyment. He also wrote that Love was worth everything, and couldn't be exchanged for anything. Well said. I want that I suppose, a love that worth everything. I think it would be quite a process that require time to know if what you have worth everything, but I know that's what I want, not just some infatuation.

Parts of My Life in the Eyes of Others
In one of the email the Mr wrote me this few days, he wrote and I quote ...I must say that this can get out of hand one day...and that one day might happen sooner than later dudette!. He and Ms. J are trying to put some sense to my head. I got quite sad thinking of what they said in the bus yesterday. However after more talk with Ms. J and the flyingNun, this thing that they are warning me about is really so real and requires my utmost attention (By the way, I wonder why the 3 of us always ended up having heavy conversation in that place). The Mr and Ms. J have their own different reasons but they ended up in the same conclusion. Ms. J just wants me to have a pure and clean mind and heart, while the Mr is just really looking out for my best interest and reputation. It is strange I suppose. If I bring myself out of the situation, I think I will be saying the same thing as them. However, being inside it, I'm so clouded. As much as I think it's not my fault, it could very well be. The Mr just doesn't want me to tread and ending up falling off a cliff. Maybe I should take comfort in the fact that I am asking all this right or wrong questions, which means that I am sensing that it is wrong. Aah...so help me God, please.

Had the chance to go home with Gascoigne* this week. In the bus he said that only you can make yourself happy and only you can make yourself sad. He's right but it doesn't come easy for me. Infact it doesn't come at all. I hope I can stop being sad over small and stupid things, but I can't. I hope I can stop being so happy about things which are not right, but I can't. My head is so messed up, and so again I think I need to repeat that song, I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head...

*Get the nick of this person and if you are in my environment, you may know who I am talking about

:) eKa @ 12:03:00 AM •

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