Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Quiet Me

I was contemplating if I should write today or tomorrow. Then I thought today because I would most probably have forgotten all the things that I want to write tomorrow. However, sitting here, I just realize that I don't have much to say (why bother writing then you may ask). I think my head is just not having its creative days and of course my emotional state is still in shambles.

Had my Saturday. I used to be excited and anxious about this but for today I was anxious in a negative way and was kinda dreading it. I don't like being dumb and weak, and I suppose that role kinda falls on me now A brasiliano asked me why I was so quiet. Well dude, I suppose I am quiet in front of people that are not that really really close to me and basically because I have nothing to say and for the things I could have said, I just didn't want to or I had no words to say it. Back to the quiet part. You may disagree but I am. These days, in everything I can link it back to my childhood upbringing. In light of the previous post in which I had bad news, well when I was young, I was pretty successful and all in school, so I can't really deal with failure. I had many over the years, but I still get depressed when it happen In the quiet part of me, the first day of school in my life was spent with my cousin. We sticked together for 5 years perhaps, before we got separated and hence why I think I never had to try to open up and make friends. What's the point in telling you this? I guess there's no point. I suppose I'm just venting out my feeling of being helpless on my Saturday. I don't want to dread it but I am, so that's a real bummer.

Went to Popular the bookshop today and saw that they package The Kite Runner and Tuesdays with Morrie for S$29.95. I kinda couldn't believe it. I kinda want to get it, not because I need Tuesdays with Morrie because Vivy is gonna lend me, perhaps I can give it to someone and I have been thinking of getting this to someone. The Kite Runner seems interesting and it's because I remembered what the Mr said a year ago. Saw someone read it in the train also recently. I guess I'm just bored, no, restless to be more exact that I had lots of these stupid impulses that I shouldn't follow. I failed to contain myself of course because for the whole day, I have been intoxicating myself with junk. I'm so gonna get sick.

I thought I was gonna write about something that the Mr and me talked about but I couldn't really do it. You can't let go if you still talk about it, I suppose I just realize how full my laptop harddisk is. It's kinda surprising, I didn't expect it. Oh yeah, I should write, 1 week on and Daisy is doing really good. She didn't give me any problem. If only I had known her problem long ago, I could have saved her from all the pushing I did. Hopefully, I don't damage her much. Oh yeah, an Italiana said over and over again to me today how lovely the Indonesian islands that she visited a week ago. I kinda felt really good about it. I'm glad she and her family had a lovely time. Okay...gotta go now. Hope you are having better days peeps. Aaaargghhh! Thinking about days, I know mine are gonna be sucky. Damn!

:) eKa @ 10:28:00 PM •