Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Of The Bond We Made

I don't know what title I should put for this post, but perhaps the words would arrange itself by the time I finish writing. Today, I took a pretty long walk to see Mr. Italian Job. Was feeling nervous about going to the place, because the place kinda hurt my feeling. However, there was no choice, if I want to see Mr. A (let's call him that), I need to go there. So I walked and I was walking at the side of the place where I saw a certain lady that I wanted to see also. It was so great to see her there, because a few more minutes, I might have missed her. She remembers me! And that was kinda amazing because she's not really the type of person who remembers people's names but she remembers me! It was really great to see her. She said I've slimmed down Quite a lot according to her I was just happy to see her. We talked quite a bit and she needed to go and I needed to see Mr. A. Approaching the gate, a girl called me. Another person that I hope to see again. She remembers me and again I was flattered. I just didn't expect that she would remember my name and I think she was surprised too that I remember hers. It was really good talking to her, the way she said she missed me. We talked about her future plan. When we parted, she said "Hey, Ms. Eka, Happy ******* Day". Aaah, so sweet. It was her that gave me my first card and so far hers was the only one I've ever got. It was really good talking to these 2 ladies, kinda reminded me of what I had done and as much as the ending was disastrous, those 2 made me feel like I matter, like I did something good, and they way they talked to me made me feel like I'm being appreciated. I have yet to see the fairness of what happened, I may never will, but I hope I would always remember that for one brief moment, in a small space of time, someone was thankful that I was there.

Proceeded to meet Mr. A who was sitting with Nonya J when I came. It was so good to see and talk to them. Nonya J left us after a while because she needed to watch her herd. I did what I came to do which was to return Mr. A his CDs. They have been with me for more than a year and that was the length of time I saw him last. His hairstyle changed. I don't like it. I think last year style was much better. I heard that he actually had longer hair a few weeks back and just recently had it cut the way it is now. He said it was like one of the Italian player that I didn't know. In the short time we talked, I saw pictures of the kids (oh Mr, you know this makes me worry about you and they asked me about this about you!). The kids were bigger by the way, I couldn't believe that I haven't seen them in person (actually it was kinda expected since Mr. A is always busy). He also managed to make fun of Arsenal (oh well, they did lost and I'm pretty pissed about them also, why are they sucky now?!?). We talked about "general stuff". I've realized I don't really care that much about the bad thing of the place. I guess it's just out of my system. I still do not want to see a few people but I'm generally okay with whatever happening. I just wish I could be more at ease so that I could just go and see the people that I want to see. Oh yeah, an auntie actually came to me to say "Hi" because she remembers me, ain't that something? I was really flattered. Oh yeah also, Mr. A bought me green tea when I asked him to buy me drink (I did walk really far in the hot sun to see him). Green tea! I wonder if he remembers or it was just a lucky guess Anyway, I couldn't talk much to Mr. A because he actually had a rehearsal that he needed to oversee, so we said good bye. With the CDs being returned, I just felt that we lost all connection. I'm not being mean or anything but knowing how difficult it was to just meet up even when I had the reason to, it just would be so much more difficult to meet up just to catch up. We couldn't even do it when the Mr came. So could it be the last time I see Mr. A? I might be. It's okay, I feel I've said my peace to Mr A. I know that both of us wish the best of things for each other. I was sitting on the bus to go home and things just came to my head, of the place, of the people, of the bond I made. The place did give me something and for all the bad things that happened, there were moments when I felt so thankful to God and really felt that God was there because He gave me all these wonderful people. I remembered the way Mr. A stood by me when I was broken, the talk near the church about life and how he genuinely wished for all the best thing for me and how he comforted me. He always thinks I'm cool and good. As I write this (don't get jealous Mr), I also got reminded of you and the Mrs who were there though far all of you were. You guys were listening to me and I could feel the concern. I would always be thankful to you guys. It seriously amazes me that at that time God gave me all of you, not just the 2 of you but there were some others who really really sincerely cared about me. I could get through it really because of you guys. Hiks...If you feel it's touching well know that I am in debt to all of you.

On more recent things. The Mr had a strong opinion about someone in my environment. So strongly that when we talked about it, he would give bad comments. At first, I didn't really take his side but now I begin to see that in some ways he was right and I had done many wrong things when I was blinded. I feel I had been unfair to someone. It's really sad because I really miss this someone now. On some things, I could only share it with this person and there were times when I didn't treat this person fairly. Anyway, back to the person whom the Mr had very strong opinion on. I was actually thinking of just be nicer to this person. I hadn't had the time to go through about it with the Mr, but the thought came because the Mr and Mr. A are really nice to me. I don't know why but they are and since they can do it for reason I'm sure they also don't understand, I suppose I can do it to this person. However, today make me realize that I just perhaps could not do it. Me being nice would get me things that are not the right thing for me to have. There's a reason, a whole logical explanation (at least according to me and the Mr) why I do what I do, why I choose what I choose, and I need to remember that. I can not go back to that path until I know that I'm really not hoping for anything in return.

This post has been quite encrypted, hasn't it? I'm so sorry. Such things perhaps are not supposed to be written here but I wanted to. A treat for the Mr because he can understand it while noone else can

:) eKa @ 8:19:00 PM •