Happy Independence Day My Fellow Indonesian

Today is Indonesia Independence Day. I was wearing red to mark the occasion. 61 years old. Don't want to say much about this day, just hope that all the Indonesian out there all around the world remember where they once came from. I'm really happy that I'm an Indonesian. I actually kinda forget about today. I woke up and an sms from my mom that she sent yesterday night was showing on my phone. She's saying that she's not gonna work today which made me rather confused. Then I remembered that today is Independence day, so it seems like she took a break and most probably had barbecue at my uncle's place.

Today is in a way independence day for me too. Would be all alone for a few days. When I first found out a bit it, surprisingly I was a bit afraid but I'm now back in my usual excited self on the idea of being alone. However the freedom didn't start on a high note but things could always get better. I have my strawberry gelato tub next to me and oh God it tastes so fattening. I wonder how fat I could get in just a few days. It's okay, I think I need the treat. I kinda would like to believe that God is giving me this time off so that I could be a bit crazy and wild and find myself. I do need to because...

On Tuesday night I had a call and it was bad news. I called Ms. J straight away after that, and tears dropped. However she was having dinner with her family, so we decided that we would talk later. I took a bath but I couldn't really cry more. I got online and the first thing I did was send a mail to the Mr. After that I sent a mail to Ms. J and friends. I guess my sadness and upsetness was accumulating from when I wrote the mail to the Mr to when I wrote the mail to Ms. J and friends. As the letter got longer, I began to sob like mad. I was crying really bad at that time, I couldn't really remember when was the last time I cried so heavily. My thought went to this moment. Thank God the Tuesday break down wasn't as bad as that moment. I didn't write about it last time, but the next day of that moment, Mr. Italian Job actually tried to fix things for me. It was really unexpected, I didn't think it was necessary but he did it anyway and the fact that he did it was really comforting. I think at that time the Mr said Mr Italian Job would do what he thought was right and he could take care of himself. Yeah, the Mr was right. I guess age does make a huge difference and I suppose we need to wait for boys to turn into gentlemen

Anyway, I would like to say thank you to everyone who really tried to make me feel better because of what happened on Tuesday, to the Mr (I wonder if you know how thankful I am for your prompt response all this time), to Ms. J and to everyone. Thank you to the girl (you know who you are) who offered to pray for me. I wanted to say "yes" but I was feeling a bit weird. I was really thankful that I got to talk to you on Wednesday. Talked to my dad last night because mom was having dinner with our neighborhood chief. I'm not really close to my dad and we rarely talk. He asked me how I was and so I told him what happened. Like that moment a year ago, my dad didn't scold me, which was unexpected (because my dad is pretty tough). He was quite comforting actually. He said that these things were common and life couldn't be all smooth sailing. He's right but when you look at your parent and see how they manage to do it all, you do get to wonder if they ever feel the desperation and frustration that you often feel. Again, I guess it comes with age, how you can, not show all the frustration you have. I really have to tough it up. The fact that God hasn't delivered me from where I am means that there are still things that I need to learn or do. I'm still tense people. I just don't want to be caught off guard. I'm trying to be more positive because I guess it wouldn't be fair for all of you who care about my well-being

Today as usual I had a talk with the Mr. Oh dear, his good news made me feel so sad. It is so weird that I should feel sad because it don't really change anything, however legally being disconnected from the Mr is just really sad for me. Turns out after all the so many people I've met, the Mr was still the closest one in a particular environment Obviously because even the bonding which I thought would stay for a long time is not that strong anymore. I am wondering if there is even such a bond now. Oh well. Anyway so I was telling the Mr something. I told the same thing to a younger person. The Mr and my reaction was similar *high five Mr* but the younger person was different. I couldn't help feeling the naivety in that younger person Maybe I am getting mature? Maybe I am walking to that older side? Maybe I am seeing the world in a different way? Or have the Mr influences me way too much? I guess I'm just becoming more realistic? We (well at least me) had quite a laugh this morning discussing many things, so the Mr did make my morning better after he dropped the bomb. You know Mr, I know that you will be happy if I am happy It's an inside joke, people

Just now I stopped writing because I was watching the Singapore Idol result. I feel I need to write about this (hopefully it does not raise any debate like my Rag post). Anyways, when the competition started, I like Joakim. I thought his group performance was different and I thought it could bring something new to the show. Plus, I really like the way he looks. However, going to the 3rd spectacular, I was ready to see him go because obviously he's not a strong singer compared to the rest. Lo and behold people, he's still in the competition. He had a really shock look and I think he was actually sad when the result was announced that he was safe. After all the ad on tv trying to remind (brainwash) people that Singapore Idol is a singing competition, he's still safe. Instead Mathilda was the one voted one. I could seriously feel Vivy's flame right now. Among the 3 that were standing, Jonathan, Hady, and Mathilda, I thought Jonathan was the one who was gonna go home. I kinda want to see Hady and Mathilda in the final. Alas, it's not to be. Damn surprising and I can't imagine all the comments that gonna appear in a few hours in blogs and papers tomorrow. I'm sure many people would start dismissing this show because the technically best singer is gone. Now, the point I wanted to write about this is that I think Joakim's fans should do what best for him, which is to let him go. Come on people. I would rather see him get voted out rather than him not being able to take the heat resign from the show. Let's be objective over here. The more he stays on the show, the more people gonna hate him. I believe the fans want what's best for him. Right now letting go is the best move, so that he could move on. I think he's a nice boy and I don't want to see him sad and not enjoying this whole thing. I don't think he would enjoy being on stage knowing that the majority of Singaporean hate him and think he's unworthy. Release him.

Added 180706: I just realized there were so many things that I was thinking of writing, didn't get written. I just forgot about them when I wrote the post last night. Maybe it was meant to be?

:) eKa @ 8:21:00 PM •


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