Sunday, June 18, 2006

If I Should Stumble On My Moment In Time

Shouldn't be awake at this hour on a Saturday night. Even if I have to be awake, I shouldn't be actively using my brain and yet here I am. Decided to let it go a few minutes ago *sigH* I am so tired and I can feel my body is wearing out.

Finished reading The Devil Wears Prada. Somewhat entertaining but lacks of substances just like what the book tries to show about the world of Runway magazine. I wonder how the movie is going to survive. I just hope it would be funny enough. It does make me wonder and wish to have a pair of Jimmy Choo, just for the sake of feeling it There's a smile, so it's a good sign in this not-so-good day. I think I made a few people rather concerned because of my sad look today. Thank God, seriously, Thank God because someone actually bothered to send me a message about nothing important and yet she wrote those few words that showed she cares. So God is showing me He cares and nothing could be that important that I couldn't stop and sleep.

Been rather off-focus this week. Seems like things are going in blur. Who would have known that "How are you?" can be one of the most important and difficult question to ask. I should have asked it, I think. But I didn't and I think that window of opportunity is gone. Do you need to ask it in the first place? In trying to find an answer, you don't always have to ask the question and demand an answer, right? I suppose you just can research your way, work your way around it without having to really ask the question. However, I still feel I am rather bad.

Maybe the worst thing I did this week (one of the worst actually) is bringing the anger in someone else. Trying to justify the anger and frustration in me, that I told the things I should not have told to my friend in conquest. Lead us not into temptation and yet I was leading another person into it. I hope things will be alright for us. At least whatever should come, we could be sincere and hang in there. Luckily I am a God believer. I should believe in God's big picture rather than anyone's else. So whatever the reason is that God puts us in this situation, it may not be for all the glory or material things but maybe it would simply make us a better person if we just manage to get it through until the end. I am so sinful that I am getting really disappointed with myself *sigH* Just a few days ago had a lunch that was rather filled with mockery of a particular belief. I was laughing hard and I don't feel that guilty. I don't know why, but I do feel that something is shifting in my belief in God or maybe my whole trust in religion? I still believe in God, but faith hasn't been speaking that loudly for some time. I'm an emotional train wreck.

Was planning to watch School of Rock tonight and yet a plan is just a plan. Haven't watched a single world cup match and I don't think I would be able to. I wish I can just go home and spend the World Cup season with my family. Is everyone doing alright? I think there are actually many things that I want to write but my thoughts are all over the place. I should sleep now. Oh yeah, the title of the post is from one of Mr Big's songs. Can you guess which one? Give me a shout. Take care peeps.

:) eKa @ 1:02:00 AM •