Family of Me

Hello peeps. I am bloody emotional. Should learn to control my emotion and act cool under whatever the circumstances are and yet I found myself throwing complain and panic to other people. So embarrassing. So stupid and so weak.

Last Tuesday I had the chance to watch Cars with Miss. J. Before I elaborate, I would like to say as I have been saying quite many times that I do keep some things private, hence why sometimes I put initial rather than full name. Why some people get their full name here and why some don't, I really don't know why. Anyway, I like it when Ms. J wrote Ms. E in her blog rather than my name. This week, I found 2 blogs that mentioned my names in relation to their lives, and I was pretty taken aback with it. I would prefer they didn't really write my name there Back to Cars. Decided to watch that because there were not any other good movies to watch. So I decided to choose that over She's the Man because the Mr said She's the Man is too lame. Cars was pretty entertaining. Love the Italian cars, especially Guido. Owen Wilson just has a funny voice. I think he fits nicely as Lightning McQueen. It was rather interesting for me that the world of Cars is not weird at all. Here you are with cars talking and a car inside another car as characters and it does not feel weird. It seems natural and when you see these cars in the highway as normal cars, you don't feel the weirdness of it because as characters it still feel natural to see them doing things as cars do in our real world. Am I making sense? I am a weirdo.

Moving on, went searching for things afterwards with Ms. J. Futile effort. Seriously, Ms. J is so nice. Maybe it's depending on the person, maybe she is actually bias The effort that she made is applaudable. I didn't even care that much

Watched a bit of the Italian's match against Czech. Was flipping in between Lost, hence why I didn't watch all but I watched Inzaghi's goal and he was so cool. Well, part of it is because of there's no Czech's defenders when he made the goal, however he is just so cool. The Mr thought I would be behind Spain because of Raul, who I said to be the most handsome footballer currently. However, there are this thing about guys. I remember me and my bestfriends, at least my cousin Marlisa, deduced this when we were around 13 or 14 (in Junior High) that some guys can be so handsome but not be as captivating as guys who are less handsome. In Inzaghi's case, he may not be as handsome as Raul but I would take Inzaghi any time, because he's just more interesting. Love Inzaghi! I guess hence why my infatuation to people like Thierry Henry and David Trezeguet too. So happy that France also goes through Though the reality remains that they most probably gonna be out next. Italy seems to have a good chance, but Australia could be lucky. Was in the same room with an Australian and an Italian today, it was really funny when the Italian realized her team will be meeting the socceroos. France will be up against Espanola. France's group performance did not give me much confidence, while the Spanish did get full marks. So we'll just have to wait and see.

Vinny is leaving me. I did say okay. I wonder if he would do differently if I didn't say okay. The thing is actually I have no right to say if he could or could not do something that he wants. He cited something as the reason, but I couldn't believe if it's the real truth. I decided to let him go because well, he deserves a better place and I feel that I have become dependent and reliant on him and it feels rather wrong for me. See up there I wrote I have become weak. I supposed to be able to manage on my own. I mean I had been through that time when people I trusted and thought would be there for me abandoned me. So I realize that it's me and me alone. Now, I feels it's not really me and me alone. I feel fortunate that after that depressing period I have met people who are really nice and care about me and I have made friends but somehow I feel mentally weak now. Maybe because now I have that place to complain to. I feel I suppose to be emotionally self-sufficient. I can't really define correctly what emotionally self-sufficient is or if it is even possible to be achieved but now I just feel I have to be on my own. Get through the things that I have to go through on my own, not just the idea of being able to get through it but be mentally okay in the process without having to talk about it that much with other people. Be tough! Basically manage things on my own. It may sound so dramatic but not having Vinny that close anymore will change a lot of things. It's alright. It's time to move on. I think he supposes to be less dependent on me also. I think I should not bitch that much to the Mr also. I think he has spent too much time consoling my emotional rollercoaster. Mr, I would not reply until I get the next part of the mail, or is there?

This brings me to the title of the post above. Family of Me is a song sung by Ben Folds and it is used as the soundtrack of Over the Hedge to describe RJ's (the raccoon) belief in his life. It sounds lonely and you may wonder why I choose this path, but I feel I just have to right now. At the end of the day, it's really you and you alone and you should be able to walk on your own.

Family of Me

How great I am
Gotta tell myself, yeah
I'm the man
Looks grim right now
but pretty soon we'll be laughing about it
Ooh, and it's alright
Yeah it is, I swear you'll see
(it's not really)
Yeah it's alright
Cause I've always got my family of me

It's not a first
(might be the last)
Yeah I'm sure
I must have been through worse,
but Ooh, it's alright
Got a paddle and a creek
Yeah and it's alright
Cause I've always got my family of me

:) eKa @ 9:09:00 PM •

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