Saturday, March 19, 2005

...that Support System

My first birthday present did come from Dagi. She gave me a lot of things. The most interesting things are the 2 mugs which are filled with haribo jelly and Mozart chocolate balls. I just love the chocolate balls I also finally received my birthday present from the girls. It actually arrived last Tuesday but finally met me this afternoon. They gave me a cat pillow, which I actually want to put inside a plastic and keep it away in my cupboard because it's white on one side (it will get dirty) and also because my bed is already too full (I'm a person who needs a LOT of space). However, the cat has this silly smile on his face that kinda...well kinda make you have to smile too, so I think I'm gonna keep in for a while. God knows I really need to smile. The girls were telling me to hug the cat if I need comfort and I need that a whole lot for the coming days.

Was being told not to be so depressed and negative but today I received a news, which for me felt like a blow, a stab in the back. Other people actually see it as a way out for me. Maybe it is, I mean everything happens for a reason, right? God has a plan for me. I just need to believe that all of this is part of the clues to finding out my purpose here, part of the big puzzle of my life which is gonna be great and beautiful. Man! Honestly, I can't say it in full confidence. I can give you all the beautiful words but how much of it I believe, well...words are just words. Anyway, me, the one who is always looking for meanings in things and almost can actually make a poetic interpretation of things everywhere, think that it's like the weather these days, which is freaking hot. However if you look at the trees, their green leaves are glistening in the sun and flowers are appearing everywhere. Just look at the bougainvilleas on the bridges and the flowering trees, there are lots and lots of flowers everywhere. So beautiful and comforting because I feel it's like one way of God telling us even in such a situation in which you think things are bad, you can actually see beautiful things in it, if you just know where to look, if you just wait long enough for the beautiful things to show themselves.

Hmm...wasn't sure what to put for the title. Getting Dumped came to mind, but I decided to settle with the current title because that's it. That's what I'm so lacking of here. That's why I need to make that phone call all the way home. Just talked to my mom and it's just different. People can say the same thing and yet the feeling you get afterwards is different. I want that support system. I'm getting too tired. Damn too tired mentally *sigH* A great week just ended up in a miserable tone *sigH*

:) eKa @ 11:28:00 PM •