1 Tahun Bulan Ini

Dear C,

Hello dear, how are you doing? This one is for you. I don't really know what to say. One because my head and chest are so full right now (most of them are uncomfortable things) and two, well what do you say to someone whom you have never met. It feels like there are so much to say, but I just don't know what. I don't even know why I bother writing this. I guess it's because I have never expected this to come like this. I was so excited about you. I was genuinely happy knowing that you'll be coming. I had imagined what it would be like knowing you and yet here we are. You are nothing but a name to me, 1 word, and I am basically nothing to you 'cause you don't even know about my existence. Even if the people closest to you mention me to you (which I highly doubt), you will not understand. I really wanted to see you. I still do I guess, but it's getting weirder as the days go by. You may not understand it, but it is weird. I like to think that one day we will finally meet. I just don't know when, maybe this week, maybe in years and years to come. Either way, it will be so weird for me when that day comes. If it's this week, I guess you'll probably think that I'm just a new thing in your life, but when it's years and years from now, I know you have much questions to ask. One thing I hope for is, if it is years and years from now, whatever feeling you have towards me will not be the negative one. See my dear, we are just 2 people who are inside such a messed up situation and in opposite sides. I know I had the chance to meet you if I wanted to. Well, come to think of it, maybe I didn't. I gave a lot of thought last year, contemplated, asked people, and I believe I did the right thing. It hurts and the guilt is always there but I know for sure, that was the best thing to do. Hhmm...my dear, I just found out that in a relationship with people, sometime the biggest hurdle is not the anger but the disappointment. Being the strange me, the disappointment still stays and still hurts me a lot. You don't deserve this complain from me, 'cause you don't have a clue. I wish you well my dear. I wish you all the happiness and luck in the world. May you be free to do what you want and be what you want. Take care. For a person whom I have never met, I really do care about you, believe me on this one.

:| eKa

:) eKa @ 1:01:00 PM •

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