Saturday, August 28, 2004
Yesterday evening I found out from my mom that a certain family member died yesterday morning. It was so surprising for me and it's just weird, the feeling that I was having. It was the same feeling that I had when one of my aunts died in the semester when I had my software engineering project. I remembered the time because it was just such a tiring semester with all the projects around. None of my friends and group members knew about it because I am just such a closed person. At that time I thought, there's nothing that they could do to make it better so why bother telling them, it would only make me face the sadness even more when they were giving their sympathy. Anyway, at that time and yesterday the feeling that I had was "is it time?". Is it time? for the people that I know really well to go away soon. Is the period starting when they will start to leave me one by one? I know that it's inevitable but thinking about it makes me so scared. I'm still so weak. I don't think I'm independent yet. I can go through my days because I know that my parent are still there. So if I fall or fail, I still can always go home to them. I still have aunts and uncles and bestfriends. I'm not saying that they're going to die soon *knock wood* but I'm just scared thinking that one day, it's all me, all alone, for real. The family member who died wouldn't see his daughter graduating, wouldn't be there when the daughter gets married. Thinking about that could break your heart, really, but you just have to make do with what's there.:) eKa @ 10:42:00 AM •
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