Saturday, January 26, 2013
When The Emotions Betray The Facts
Hello guys, how are you doing? It's been while since I last wrote. I didn't actually feel like writing but there's only a few days left in this month and if I don't write, it'll be perhaps the first month ever that I didn't write anything and somehow I don't think that's right. Since I'm not taking any language classes now, I'm also not getting any practice to write anything based on my opinion though I still write in my diary, but those are like little 1-2 pages. So I thought it's important that I get on with it lest my skill in writing and expressing my opinion fades away, not that I am any good to begin with or captivating in any sense whatsoever. Isn't it crazy that the first month of 2013 is finishing soon. It feels like time flies by so fast and that makes me feel sad to realize that it's been another month that I live my life in perpetual sadness. That is actually the reason why I haven't written anything. My mental state is in shamble.The title of the post explains how what I feel all the time betrays the fact about my life. When I look at it, all through last year until now, my life is actually great and I am one lucky person. When my cousin visited me in November, she said something along the line that she wished she had had my life which I actually feel many people would wish for. After watching Homeland and Silver Linings Playbook and loving them because of the bipolar crazy characters, I wrote in my diary that it would be great if there's something really wrong with me in the head or in the gene to explain why I feel what I feel because I really don't get it. I don't understand why I can't be happy. This month I found out something really good and unexpected. I totally didn't expect it and it was something really good beyond believe. Under a normal circumstance, I would be jumping for joy but upon knowing it I was like shocked and in my head I was telling God, I don't understand and I didn't feel happy. I don't understand my life now.
Paulo Coelho wrote how sometime people don't think that they're worth the blessing or love they receive. I think that's where I am now. It's just I totally believe in action - reaction and when I get things which I don't think I have earned, that worries me and burdens me and makes me paranoid and all these just make me all the more unsettled. I just don't want to feel sad and I feel sad all the time. All the time. I want to feel more like me and I don't know where I am right now ... Up to that line I have written many other lines which I kept on erasing because they always take a dark turn and I don't want to put them here, so let's just drop this subject and talk about things which have been filling my life.
Let's start with TV. So I wrote about me getting hooked with Honey Boo Boo. When I had watched their first season last year and all my usual tv series went on a break in December, I thought I needed to put some brainy things into my head and off I went to start on Homeland and how I love it a lot. It's painful having to wait until later this year for their new season. I recommend all of you to watch Homeland. Before I started, I knew that the theme was about a newly recovered PoW who may or may not have been turned by Al Qaeda. This PoW was played by Damian Lewis whom I love from Band of Brothers which I watched during my (and his) younger days back in NUS, like more than 10 years ago. His character was my favorite then. Across from Damian Lewis, there's this brilliant CIA agent who happens to be bipolar, played by Claire Danes. She's also awesome in her role. There have been 2 seasons now and I think the first half of season 2 were the best parts of Homeland so far. It got me gasping oh my God, and what?!? a lot. Along with moments like when I turned to my imaginary friend who occupies my room with me saying out loud, the CIA use skype??? The ending of season 2 still managed to shock me when Al Qaeda released a certain video. Going ahead, I'm not sure how they can make the plot just as riveting as it has been so far. However they have smart people writing the story so far, so maybe they'll manage to twist something. At the very least, I hope Rupert Friend will come back. It's weird that I never know he exists before this. He's Keira Knightley's ex-boyfriend and he's like the more handsome and more badass (boosted by his character in Homeland) version of Orlando Bloom. I love seeing him. I have refrained from giving any more detail so that it doesn't ruin your viewing pleasure when you decide to watch it. I myself stopped myself from reading any recap or synopsis before I went through my Homeland binge.
Currently I am binging on Breaking Bad. I know I'm so late in watching this. I still remember clearly, me and Gascoigne sitting in the canteen at the park and he was telling me to watch Breaking Bad and he told me that it's so good, it's about this chemistry teacher who got cancer who decided to make drugs to leave money for his family. My reaction to that was that it's dumb but then there I was trying to find something to replace Homeland, and so I decided to give Breaking Bad a chance. Seriously it's not a funny tv series or anything. It's pretty dark and violent, but I found myself laughing on some parts even from the pilot. Then I got hooked more because of Aaron Paul who plays the ex-student of the chem teacher whom the chem teacher roped into the partnership since he was kinda in the business. Aaron Paul is handsome and that's a huge reason why I like watching this. He's like the skinnier version of Ryan Gosling. Man, he can play Ryan Gosling's drug dealer in Half Nelson :P Aside from the good look, he actually does really well playing his character. I see his character as a child actually. I am still in season 2 and perhaps I'll see some growth in his character later on. It's just right now, I find it really funny that this is a guy who dares to make drugs and sell them and yet at the same time he's not so bright and unable to think things through more. I kinda expect one to be smarter if one is living such a risky life, but I guess that's kinda the point that his character is just not mature yet. It's an interesting tv series but I like it less than Homeland. Watching Homeland, my eyes were glued to the screen. Watching Breaking Bad, I sometime do it while crocheting.
So that's tv. I have watched some movies since the last time I wrote. I watched Les Miserables. Wow, that's a real musical. I think only less than 10 very short lines were spoken not sung. On My Own is still a song which I love dearly ever since the first time I heard it when Katie Holmes sang it in Dawson's Creek. I remembered thinking it was really stupid when Javert jumped to his death and then a split second later I felt surprised that I thought that way. Then I watched Arbitrage and Richard Gere was charming there and even though his character wasn't a really nice one, I love how the movie ends. Then as mentioned, I watched Silver Linings Playbook which I watched because of Bradley Cooper. I love the movie perhaps because of how I'm feeling now, I just have a soft spot for crazy people. Then there's the Gangster Squad which I watched because of Ryan Gosling. Maybe it's just me but I thought he sounded different in this movie, more childlike, perhaps to fit his character which wasn't really the serious one. Then I watched Cloud Atlas which I really really really love. I read a review that the movie doesn't work as well as the book because of the structures but I think it was really good that I wonder if I will enjoy the book as much. I'm contemplating if I will get the book. Perhaps I will. Currently I am reading The Java Man, a book written by an American who's living in Bali. For the first time in my long life here in Singapore, I borrowed a book from the library. I realize that I don't like it though. I don't like that the books are not physically as nice as I want them to be. I actually wanted to borrow a different book but there was only the big hard cover version of the book I wanted :( We'll see, maybe I'll continue this. I don't exactly have a lot of space to store books even if I want to. Anyways, today I watched Zero Dark Thirty. It was really interesting. I noticed that some of the maps that were shown used by them seemed like a print out of google maps, which made me wondered, really? the CIA just use google map? Also the main character said that she worked for the CIA for 12 years and she was recruited after high school. That would mean that she's like in her early 30 when she helped bring down Osama Bin Laden. It's an awesome achievement. I'm 30 and I definitely haven't done anything awesome :( Anyway, I was actually in Paris when President Obama announced that they got Osama Bin Laden. It was in the morning and I just got out of the shower when Mau told me what was on tv. It was in french and she funnily said she confirmed that the word "tuer" means to kill. It was a good day for America, I remember seeing the tv showing so many people in front of the white house being all joyful. Unfortunately recent news have shown that terrorism is pretty much alive. Anyways, so there you go, my post for the month of January.
:) eKa @ 8:10:00 PM • 0 comments
Monday, December 24, 2012
Being Intellectual ... and Not
Hello peeps. Christmas is like in a few hours away. Merry Christmas to you and may your holidays be merry and great. My christmas present came early this year. Last Monday I saw an envelope on my table from Alliance Française and I knew it must be my DELF B2 test result. I didn't expect it to come this fast. I was expecting to get the result in January, but there it was and I was so nervous. It was a bit like opening the envelope about my NUS admission decade ago. What's inside the envelope can be something good but it can be something devastating as well. I was kinda wishing it's not there, but open the envelope I must. As I took the piece of paper out, my eyes just ran. I didn't go through the letter from top to bottom, I just kinda went searching and I saw that my total score was 78 and that means I pass. Oh my God!!! I was jumping up and down upon seeing the result. I think it's crazy. It was totally unexpected!As I got through the score breakdown, I was even more stunned. I scored highest in the production orale / speaking part. I scored 22 out of 25. You can go Hannah Montana's "say what now?!?" because that was kinda what I felt. Seriously?!? For me, 22 is like almost perfect and I didn't think I was coherent at all. I mean I wouldn't be able to understand myself if I watched myself there. So that was crazy! Well I believe there is always some leniency from the persons marking the orale test, since they really don't want to see the students fail, but I really think the score was really generous for me. The second highest score I got was for the reading comprehension, in which I got 20.5 out of 25. I'm glad. I did well, also unexpected. The questions can be pretty tricky. I remember during our classes when we went through the exercises and Mr. V asked me the answer to a question, I normally got it wrong and even though I got a second try, it was still wrong. So that was how hard it was to understand for me, but it turned out my brain truly did light up during the test. Then I got 20 out of 25 for the writing part. This was supposed to be the part in which I should have scored really well. Not that 20 is bad, it's pretty good. I guess I was just stunned it scores lower than the other 2. I did purposely simplify my writing in the hope that I would make less grammar and spelling mistakes. So perhaps that's the reason I couldn't score higher since I lacked nuance in my writing (as Mr. C liked to put it). Oh well.
I have to admit that I secretly did hope that I would score 80. However it didn't seem possible. That would mean all the parts have to score 20 at least or some parts have to score higher than 20 to lift the weaker part and that is difficult because to score more than 20 means it's close to perfect and I'm not there. So I was right, I didn't make it to 80. For the listening part, I score 15.5 out of 25. It was still good especially considering I barely made it to the required 5 during practice in class. So I actually did really well. However it was too much for the rest of the parts to carry even though they scored more than 20. There was a disappointment in me because I was just shy of 2 points. Still, I didn't expect this result and I actually did really well. So I'm thankful. It's incredible and amazing. That evening I was feeling so good. It reminded me of how awesome I can be and I haven't felt that for a long long time. It was a real good thing that came after so many shitty things over and over again. It also felt amazing that by passing this test, on paper my French knowledge is the same as my Italian, since DELF B2 is equivalent to CELI 3. I actually made it. When I started learning french, reaching this point seemed too long to be foreseen but there I am now, completing my journey. It feels really good to achieve this. I also have to say that I am thankful for the classmates that accompany me in this journey, I am particularly thankful for XF.
However, as I said, that feeling good didn't last long. Life has taken a worse turn. In the last post, I said that I thought I was pretty intellectual. Well to know how worse my life has taken, I actually got hooked into Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It started when I stumbled upon Toddlers and Tiaras. It was already low no that I watched that? Anyway, I ended up watching Honey Boo Boo and I actually love it. I cannot wait for newer episodes to come. Much has been said about them. Well they are not refined, that I can say. However who are we to say what is proper and not. I am sure my manner will be considered as not refined as well for the royalty of England for example. I wonder how much it matters. Honey Boo Boo and her family always seem happy and they seem to have a lot of love and they always support each other and that is more than what some people like me have. So perhaps they are not so refined but they are happy. I perhaps have more things in my head but I am obviously unhappy in life. There I have said it out loud. That is the truth. If you have known more about that truth, I'm sure you will feel sorry about me or perhaps worried. Maybe, maybe not. I realize that some people whom I thought will care, apparently don't care.
Let's talk about something else which is less depressing. Went to watch Jersey Boys on Saturday. I enjoyed it very much. It was entertaining and nice. I think the guy who played Tommy DeVito was handsome :P The theatre wasn't full though. I wonder if the cast feel bored doing this over and over. After the break, there were these 2 little kids who decided to sit at the front row and I think it's such a treat for the cast, because they were always clapping enthusiastically and they were really cute. The ending was great that I actually felt like standing up, singing and moving, but of course here in Singapore, everyone is boring so noone did that :( I think it's actually bad for the cast since people didn't seem to be responding much but they were really good despite of our lack of appreciation.
After which, me and YeeMaggio went to Gardens by the Bay. I have the annual pass that I really need to make use of and I want to check out their winter theme. It was interesting though I felt that some of the plants and decorations were looking rather miserable. We also managed to watch the OCBC Rhapsody in the super trees but yet again I didn't have the chance to go up to the super trees. We didn't have the time. Anyway, here are some of the pictures. To see more, you can go here.
You gotta have poinsettia, of course.
I took me sometime to get that these suppose to be penguins. Green penguins are just not my kind of thing.
Then there were these cute Teddy Bear Santa.
Christmas commercialization won't be complete without presents ...
... and santa ...
... and let's throw in some sparkling flying reindeers.
Okay, I gotta admit this was cute.
Of course we need a big christmas tree. So there you go, christmas in The Gardens by the Bay.
The following 2 pictures are the super trees during OCBC Rhapsody.
:) eKa @ 11:22:00 AM • 0 comments
Saturday, December 08, 2012
How are you guys doing this Saturday? Today I will actually be spending the day in my room. It's kinda strange because I can't remember when the last time I spent the Saturday in my room. I used to have Saturday classes. Then when I don't, I usually have the movies. This week does not have any movie that I like, so here I am, just gonna watch something in my computer. I will still go out later though, I need to feed myself.Today's choice is the Italian movie, La Prima Cosa Bella. I'm not sure if there's a subtitle but the whole purpose of choosing an Italian movie is to make sure my knowledge of it is not totally gone. Last week, I watched Habemus Papam. Love the idea but really didn't like the ending. It made me so disappointed and it added to my depressed feeling. I like to believe that such a case will not happen to a real elected pope. He will not waiver from his task. I guess what I wanted to see was the belief and faith that God will sustain you and if someone who was elected pope is not believing it, well as I said it added to my depression. However it's fiction, so I shouldn't let it ruin me much.
Anyways, the title of the post is the english translation of Bumi Manusia. It's a book from Pramoedya Ananta Toer, which I had finally finished reading. The story was first told verbally to Toer's fellows inmates when he was a political prisoner. It was then written 2 years after he started telling the story. I found it to be really remarkable. I wondered if the story evolved as he told the story or he knew from beginning how it was going to play out. Since the book is the first in a tetralogy, it is really something if he had seen how the characters would develop throughout. The books were written before I was bornt but the setting of it happened even way longer, during the time of Dutch colonization in Indonesia and that made for a very interesting feeling in me when I read the book.
You see, I had come to think that the Westerners are not necessarily better than us Asians. I mean you just need to cite something out of American TV as a proof. However you cannot deny that many Asians still kinda look at the Westerners as rather superior, even here, in the modern state of Singapore. Reading the book, I was just kinda shocked seeing how the main character, a javanese boy, felt that the European education and culture to be way more superior than his being as a javanese. He did feel differently as the story goes. However, I still had a hard time to relate with his thoughts and idea and also the perception at that time. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that even the so called noble javanese family thought very highly of the Dutch. I guess Indonesian history is really pretty long and complex. When we were young, we are always taught that the Dutch colonialized Indonesia for three and an half centuries, that is 350 years. We learnt about the wars, the heroes, the treaties. We also had lessons on the kingdoms before colonization. Then there was the independence period and kids these days may learn about the reformation period. So with all those to remember, who had time to look at how people lived and the perception of the people on a personal level into what was happening. Reading the book, at this period, it seemed the Javanese were just embracing the Dutch control of their land.
Life changed for this javanese boy when he fell in love and eventually married a girl who's half Dutch and half Javanese. It is also an interesting story to note about these kids who are half Dutch, half Indonesians. I imagine it would be like the stories of the kids who were bornt out of African slaves and their white masters. The Dutch government refused to acknowledge the marriage and the girl was considered as Dutch and the Javanese mother had no right of her. At the end of the story, she was shipped to the Netherlands. Drama! I'm looking forward to know what happened next. The girl was not my favorite character in the book. I thought she was disappointingly mentally weak, but then I thought maybe she has just reached the state where she just couldn't go on anymore with all the problems in her life, and since I am currently feeling something like that, I sympathize with her a bit. I'm sure she's this great wonderful girl. The character whom I had much more respect for is Nyai Ontosoroh. She's this strong Javanese woman who learned to stand on her own feet and be a person whom everyone can lean to. It reminded me of my favorite character in 100 Years of Solitude, Ursula, who was also a mother. Toer did give her some flaws which is something that he gave to all his characters. Noone was perfect in his book. Everyone had some demons that they had to deal with. It is an interesting read because it is really so different. It's like a world which I thought would feel familiar for me since it's Indonesia but it turned out to be quite foreign. I did have some disappointment like there's a murder whose resolution is not so satisfying for me. I don't know if it would be explained more in the next book. I think it would make a nice movie actually, but I kinda don't have much confidence that Indonesian movie makers can do it justice. Maybe I am underestimating them.
So I completed my goal of 5 books for this year, I had read Ronggeng Dukuh Paruk, Plum Spooky, The Night Circus, Lord of the Flies, and Bumi Manusia. I am currently reading What I Did On My Holidays. Not a book I would chose for myself. It was given to me. It's about a girl who got dumped the day before she supposed to go on a trip to Majorca with her boyfriend. She supposed to turn 30 during the trip. There I was thinking that the time I turned 30 was miserable, this girl had it pretty bad. So far in the book, she decided to just pretend to be in Majorca than to go there alone. So she just holed up in her London apartment. Truly not a book I would chose for myself. I like to think of myself as kinda intellectual. I know that's an arrogant thing to say, but really I would be embarrassed if I get caught reading twilight or the 50 shades book. Some of the things I had in my little collection consists of things from Kahlil Gibran, Paulo Coelho, and Gabriel García Márquez. Of course since I love Harry Potter, perhaps some people who love Lord of the Rings would think of that as a very dumb choice. Anyways this kinda book has its attractive feature, just like how I am attracted to watch chick flick. I cannot deny that. At the very least, this book is easy to read. Reading this girl moping around turned the pages faster than reading the boys in Lord of the Flies moped around about being deserted in an island without adult supervision. I wonder if I can finish this book before the year ends. I kinda like this whole reading thing. Of course my isolation helps me a lot in forcing me to read. May next year be filled with more interesting find.
Before I leave, let me leave you with something. When I was preparing for DELF, Mr. V told us to listen to radio france to improve our listening skill. He was refering to the news channel but I went to the one which played songs all day with a tiny bit of news update every hour or so. There I chanced upon this french singer, Ben L'Oncle Soul. I think he's so talented and I love his music a lot. He would define it as soul. Whatever it is, it's kinda off the main stream. It's kinda the type of music that I really love to listen. I find it more meaningful that pop music. Currently in my ipod playlist, I'm putting him together with the American Raphael Saadiq, Italian Nina Zilli, and the Indonesian band whom I also just recently discovered, Soulvibe. I love them a lot. Soulvibe feels like what happened when you mix the Indonesian band RAN and Maliq and D'Essentials. 2 other bands which I also love. Anyway when I listen to Ben L'Oncle Soul's album, I just kinda want to sway a bit and the heart smiles a little. To show you how great he is, I am leaving you with this clip of him singing, Barbie Girl. Dig your memory a bit and remember this song actually exists. Unfortunately, your head will remember some of the lines of the song. Sorry about that, I promise that this one is really good :)
:) eKa @ 1:00:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Hey peeps. I did my DELF test on Thursday. So how did it go? Well it went much better than I expected it to be sauf (except) for the orale part which as predicted went horribly bad. The part which I was worried the most, listening comprehension, turned out to be manageable. I think I will get the required 5 points for that part. I'm not sure why it didn't go bad for me. Maybe God was really helping me. Maybe it was easy. Maybe because thankfully our invigilator decided to start the listening part after the reading comprehension, which is a great idea since we wouldn't be so shocked and it's like immersing ourselves slowly into the pond of death :P Okay, overly dramatic there. Maybe also all the exercises that I had been doing daily really helped. This brings me to the 2 resources which I want to share with you, if you're learning french. I found it hard to prepare for it just by listening to radio or watching movies without subtitles which I did. By the way, Intouchables is a really awesome movie, go and watch it. For me, I think I was just focused in preparing for the test. So those 2 methods may help you understand things as a whole but I found that it requires a higher level of skill in capturing the detail and then retelling what you know in your own words. For me, I just want to be able to find information related to the questions. Often, I may not even have a full understanding of what's happening but then the questions enlighten that for me. I don't know if I am making any sense. I don't think my method is a good method. You should make yourself better for real not just to tackle some test. Still, let me just share the resources. The first one was actually used in Mr. N's class one time. It's 7 jours sur la planète. Once you reach the page, click on Téléchargez les activités pour la classe. It's a really good resource with levels that match up the DELF test. The bad point is, they only keep archives for 2 weeks and each week there are only 3 sets of exercises. So I found it not enough for me. The second resource is Canal Académie. I only did the Ecoute Attentive part, because it has the suggested answer key. The exercises are not as good as 7 jours sur la planète in terms of the questions variation and details, but they have a lot of resources. I don't know if they update it, but I found myself not finishing many of it. I guess it's also because I started late.So anyway, yeah, I found myself not so riled up during the listening part. The reading comprehension was not as I expected it to be. The thing is we've been practising with pretty much the same structure and type of question but during the test, they were different. So I did feel slightly annoyed but I think it went okay. The writing part was also manageable. For the orale part, thank God they changed the schedule to remove all the people who didn't come, so I didn't have to wait until 4pm. Many people bailed. LF and Phil bailed. I don't know if Phil is still in the country, haven't seem him for so long. LF felt she wasn't ready and she had some issue that she had to deal with. It didn't stop me from being disappointed. She should just have come. It wasn't as difficult as we thought it would be. XF actually made a good case on why we should just do it. We paid for the test, we paid for the class, we should just come and try our luck. Maybe we'll pass which I think there is a good chance all of us will pass. I'm not so worried about failing each section. I think that should be fine, but I am worried if I get the required 50 points. I would like to be confident, but I don't know, I'm very unlucky this year.
Anyway, let me talk about the orale part. I was praying to get a subject with a very obvious opposing view, but out of the 2 I had to choose from, I didn't get the second one really well and I ended up choosing the same topic as XF about the lack of sleep. I presented my case in a problems - solutions form, but after it was done, I thought it was actually more like causes than problems :( I was supposed to do it with Ben and F who were my teachers at one time. I ended up not doing it with them. I don't know why. Maybe Mr. V made a mistake of bringing another girl to my slot or maybe because they were my teachers. I ended up doing it with Mr. V's team, but Mr. V was changed because (I distinctly heard this) he also knows me. Whatevs. I just want it to be done. I was the last batch. So I guess everyone wanted it to be over. I did badly. I'm pretty sure I did it after Sam and Sam is like awesome :( We supposed to talk for 10 minutes but I think I only did 8 because I spoke damn fast. One of them said ça va though. I really hope it's alright. Yes it's just my tendency to speak fast, even in broken french. There were questions that I didn't get. The guy was speaking softly actually that I didn't really get him :( Then there was the awkward silence when they didn't know what to ask me, err ... When it was over, I was grinning because it was over then I quickly texted XF. She met me in the library when she was done, saying the nerves was still all over her. For me, I was just darn happy it was over, but then the wave of disappointment came over me. I feel like one of those athletes who have a lot of potential, but can never win. XF told me she didn't have time to prepare all her thoughts in the 30 mins given to us. I had enough time. I had 2 pages full, but the execution was horrendous. It was like my mouth talked without my brain. It's always like that with orale. I blank out. I found myself being able to answer the questions (that I understood) with more ease but my monoloque was just awful. Alright. I hope I'll pass. Please God, let me reach the required 50. Please God, please.
So DELF is done. No more french class. I've packed all the notes. I felt this emptiness suddenly. Yesterday as I was getting home, I was thinking for the first time in a long time, I have nothing to occupy me. There's this sudden big emptiness for me to fill, which can be easily filled catching up on all those tv series and going back to crocheting. The past few months were filled with DELF preparation. Even way before that, before preparing for DELF, I usually have homeworks to do or the end-of-term test to prepare. Last time, my weekend would only start on Saturday afternoon. Now I have all these free time and no burden of anything. I like the fact that I don't have things to memorize and homeworks to do, but I do miss the "fellowship", if I can call it that. I had many many bleak days that meeting up with my classmates and teacher on a Saturday morning were often the things that I love the most about my weeks. I guess I'm pretty lucky that in every state of my class, I always have a group of people whom I was close with to do this together. Of course they came and were replaced by new people, but I am thankful that there's always someone. I don't know what I will do next. DELF result will come out in January, I think. So far, the plan is to go back to Italian class next year to make sure that they don't disappear completely and maybe after that back to french class, also for the same reason. I don't foresee myself doing any of it intensively though. I would love to do language #5, but I don't think it's wise to squeeze new things in my head when the previous ones don't have a stronghold. Whatever it is, it would be after Chinese new year. In fact, I feel like I don't want to think about anything until after Chinese new year. It's like there will be some sort of revelation after Chinese new year when the truth is I guess I just don't want to deal with stuff. Well maybe I can hope that the year of the snake will be better for me than this roller coaster year of the dragon which is draining me emotionally :(
Let's move on to other things. I watched Pitch Perfect last week. It was entertaining but somehow I thought it would be better. Today I watched The Life of Pi. I had wanted to watch it in Imax 3D after I finished my test but I had the worst bus driver ever so I missed the time. I of course can only blame myself for not moving faster. Today I was actually late for the movie, again I can only blame myself for being slow. It sucks when you paid so much more money for Imax 3D and you're late and you're ended up in a bad seat. I was so dizzy after the movie :( and I didn't enjoy the movie experience. The movie itself was beautiful I think. It's just my whole experience was awful :( The movie didn't follow the book exactly. I particularly hate the part that they added a girl there. I think Ang Lee made India looked awesome. There were some beautiful dreamy scenes in the ocean but I'm just very sceptical that it's possible for the ocean to be totally still like a piece of glass reflecting the sky. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is really a science behind it. I think the boy did a great job playing Pi. By the way, when I watched the trailer on tv, I was confused if it should be pronounced "pee" or "pie". I have been pronouncing it "pee', because π in Indonesian is pronounced "pee". Then I remembered that "pee" is the correct pronunciation because it's short for Piscine, which is the full name of the boy, but even in the movie it was pronounced "pie". Piscine by the way is the french word for swimming pool. When I read it for the first time, my brain took a split second connection to the word piscina in Italian which also means swimming pool.
So back to the movie, there were parts which I would have liked to see more, like the dramatization when there was a ship nearby. My heart was breaking when I read that part in the book because it seemed to be so near. In the movie, it wasn't that near, so as much as it was sad, I didn't feel that heartbroken. They also removed the whole blind conversation which I thought didn't make sense in the book. So in a way it was a good decision, but it was bad as well because that part could actually give us opportunity to hear what Richard Parker would sound like talking. They did keep the final part when the boy was telling the alternative story, but it wasn't depicted, which I think is a good decision since at least it leaves very little room to shake anyone's "belief" of what actually happened. I know that when I read the book, I was rather shaken that I actually hated this inclusion by the writer. Overall, I would love to watch it again, but I think I will not. It's beautiful really and do watch it peeps.
Let me end this post with my thoughts on a news that I heard today. You see there were some bus drivers from China who went on strike this week because of dormitory condition and salary. Apparently they're paid lower than the Malaysian bus drivers counterparts. In Singapore (and also Hong Kong), people from mainland China are not that loved, if I can say so. So I don't know how my Singaporean friends feel about this strike. I didn't really dig much into the story to know if the drivers had tried talking to their bosses many times of their condition, etc. It just became something that really caught my attention when some of them were actually charged by the police. Then today I heard that 29 of them will be deported back to to China. I think it's crazy. I think it's totally crazy. Indonesians took the street all the time for every little things that they don't like. Not that I like this kinda behaviour and since I was affected with hours of train delay due to a strike before in Europe, I do feel that the whole things are sucky for the people who are affected. However, I feel that voicing one's opinions is important and sometime one do need to take a rather drastic action. Lucky you if you have never had bosses whom you feel paid you unjusticely. For those who have, don't you ever wish that you can just go on strike? I guess in the end, I feel like the way the Singapore government deals with is it totally unfair. I have many things that I disagree with with the Singapore government but I think this is my first time writing about it. I know they have to mantain that reputation of being efficient and strict and most importantly ensures that this will frighten the people so they wouldn't do the same, ever! The transport minister was saying strict action is important because if they're seen as lenient then it will affect investors' trust in Singapore's capability. Still, I just cannot accept this punishment. I think it's just too harsh and it's awful. I see it as these people expressing their opinions and yet they are shut down unfairly. If they had taken it to the bosses without the strike, I think one of the outcome which may happen would be them losing their jobs for complaining. Now they are also losing their jobs, so they lose either way. I don't know if there are Singaporeans who feel the way I feel. Maybe? Maybe not? As I said, mainland Chinese are not exactly loved here, so perhaps many will feel good riddance for them?
:) eKa @ 9:27:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Good morning peeps! It's pretty late actually but I just got myself in front of this computer. As I opened my window curtain, I saw a newlywed getting out of the car at the car park below. I waited to see the bride. The thought that came upon seeing her was how brides chose their wedding dress. Luckily of all the brides I've seen in life, I've never seen a dress I truly like which means I will find my own dress which will not copy or be inspired by others. Morning thoughts are a funny one, they are.It's been awhile since I last wrote. I think it's because I didn't have anything interesting to say, not that I do now. Also because I have things that I should be doing with my free time, such as studying french, which I haven't really done, and also because I'm still in that depressed mode that I'd rather not talk about things. Well, it's been 3 weeks since I last wrote so let's continue from where I left off. This new room of mine. It's been 3 weeks, it feels short and long at the same time. I've been adjusting better than I imagined I would. I think this room is not as bad as I saw it the first time. I'm still adjusting with things, but I found myself writing in my diary something along the line that this room has become that safe zone where when I am inside it, I am safe and sound and all is well and I think that is a very positive thing to say. This is the place where I know I will be alright and it's important to have that in life and I do realize how blessed I am to have it when there are many people in this world who don't. As for the distance, I am adjusting much better than I thought I would. I guess I don't think about the fact that I still need to walk another extra 5-7 minutes much. I still haven't figured out the food situation though. It's hard getting cheap meal here since by the time I get to the stalls, there aren't many choices left and so in the past 3 weeks I've been eating on the expensive side and choosing things I like which definitely is not healthy. As for Jenny 2.0, she's been great. We have talked in broken english which is a pity I think because I don't think it allows neither of us to express ourselves well. She's so nice. She's been giving me apples which made me feel bad and so one day I got her that famous soya pudding and she said please don't buy her stuff but I can't be taking her stuff without giving something back, right? She also had given me some sort of gel to help with the swollen ankle and bad bruise that I got when I fell.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. I fell. I fell 2-3 flights of stairs on Monday. It was horrific. As it was happening, the thoughts that ran through my head was that I had to stop this fall and would I seriously roll right to the bottom of the stairs and break something and possibly die? When I didn't and I was sitting down trying to cope with the pain, the positive part just kicked in on its own and that was thank God nobody witnessed that embarrassing fall (I think noone saw it), thank God I wasn't bleeding and I didn't break anything. It was painful though and I had to get myself to the toilet just to deal with it. My instinct told me to cry because it was painful and you cry when you are in pain but I didn't but then when I was in the bus that day on my way home, I did feel like crying, not because of the pain which was still there but because of all the misfortunes that don't seem to leave me. A few days before the fall, I wrote in my FB status that I needed a good thing, just a small good thing to come my way, please God, and yet nope, I have to fall off the stairs. Mom asked how it happened. I could only say that my mind was off at that particular moment. I didn't know where my head was. I actually would rather a more logical explanation that there was some sort of spirit pushing me off the stairs or someone just did some voodoo things on me. Let me explain how those are more logical to me. Those are more logical because that would mean that there was a force doing it on me rather than God just feels the need that I need all these misfortunes. It's like when Job was tested, it's better to know that the devil was doing it rather than God, although some may argue that it's just as bad because God let it happen. Well for me, I would feel better if it's some sort of other force than God that drop all of these things on me. So when I reached home that day, I realized the bad swelling on my ankle and the fact that I had a nasty bruise which was hurting even on touch. I think my whole right leg was just swelling. I got awoken at night when I rolled to the right side and my bruise was grazed by the bed. As the days pass, the swelling on the ankle subsided. I think it's the normal side now. The bruise still looks scary. It still hurts when I touch it but not as bad. Jenny 2.0 offered to have a hard boiled egg to be rubbed on it. I was like, hah?!? what? Is this some sort of the misunderstanding we have because of the broken english? But some seconds later I realized, nope I understood her and it made sense. Again how does it make sense? Well as an Asian in Asia, I'm pretty sure it's one of those things which seems illogical which people believe can help to cure things. I didn't take her offer on that because I doubt the effectiveness. Overall, it was horrible when it happened, it was still horrible the days after, but I survived it.
I still managed to hang out with my cousin and aunt when they came this week. My cousin, Helen, and her mom were in town last weekend. It's weird the things that people want to see when they come to Singapore. Orchard is on top of the list and right now that is coupled with Universal Studio and then perhaps Sentosa for Songs of the Sea. I'm not a big fan of Orchard road the way many people perhaps are. Yes I do go there like once a week but I always have a purpose to go there. I get in and get out. People who know me know I'm not really a mall person. I go to a mall for a purpose and window shopping is not my thing and window shopping on the many malls in Orchard road is truly truly not my things. So I was trying to get them away from the malls as much as I can because seriously there are as nice malls in Jakarta. The first thing they saw was Gardens by the Bay. I decided to get an annual pass but then when I went inside the cloud forest dome, I thought to myself it was perhaps the wrong choice since seeing it again for the second time I felt like I may actually get bored of seeing it over and over and I may get lazy to make the trip there as many as I should to make use of the annual pass. However, the flower dome made up for it. They have an autumn theme going on, so I got to have these wonderful pictures.
Guys, let me pause for awhile because I need to go out to do some errands and watch Argo. Yes I haven't forgotten the movies despite of my depressed state. I just haven't written about them here. I did write in my diary. Since the last movie I wrote, To Rome With Love, I have watched Savages, Taken 2, Looper, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I watched all of them alone because noone asked me and also because I didn't feel like asking people out. Anti social mode on high. No Bond movie there because I'm not interested. I will not write about those movies here, since it's been awhile since I watched them and I don't have the energy to write about them now but I still have things to say, so I'll continue this later in the evening.
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I'm back. Argo was great. I like it and now I'm really curious in reading the history of Iran in that particular period. With the recent attack on the US consulate in Libya, the demonstration part of the movie felt pretty scary real, but I suppose every personnel who works in embassies and consulates in countries which are rather unstable do face a certain risks when they accept the positions. It was interesting to watch the protocol that the embassy had to follow when they're under attack, in this case they had to destroy all documents and official seals that they had. The rescue mission was unbelievable and although I knew it would have a happy ending, Ben Affleck did manage to keep some suspense going on. I like the movie very much.
Continuing on life news. I had my last DELF preparation class yesterday. Hallelujah for not having to attend Friday evening class. Am I ready? Absolutely not. If any, the 12 weeks show me the many different ways to fail. Yesterday was rather somber, well at least for me. I felt most sorry during Janet's session. She's always so cheery and tries to get everyone's energy up, but it's not always working. Yesterday I just couldn't say much which is pretty much typical me every week :( So test is on the 29th and I'm going to bore you with the details. There are 4 sections:
- Compréhension de l'oral - you listen to 2 audio recordings. One for 1 time and the second one for 2 times and answers questions related to them.
- Compréhension des écrits - you read 2 articles and answers questions on them.
- Production écrit - you are given a subject and suppose to write 250-word essay on them. I'll be damned if I don't understand the subject :'(
- Production orale - you are given 2 topics, choose 1 and prepare to talk for 10 minutes about your view on it and be grilled after.
So that's that. With everything that has happened this year, my confidence level has dropped so low that I don't feel like me much. I am this capable person. I can do stuff and I have done stuff that I know some people will not be able to do. However here I am now, not feeling like I can achieve anything. I feel unsettled. I feel worried and afraid all the time. I know many people like my mother will tell me to change that mind set and be brave and bold and believe in myself, but it's just not happening now. I don't know what to say. I wish and wish things will just be better but as the weather these days, it's just been gloomy and rain storm in my world. I hope things are better in your side of the world peeps. Take care!
:) eKa @ 9:06:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Nasib is the Indonesian word which means fate. When an Indonesian says something like, well, nasib, it's like implying something not so nice that happens which should just be accepted. I think that's the connotation of the word nasib that one feels the need to add the word baik at its end like nasib baik to indicate a good thing that happens.So what's this has to do with what happens to me? Well who knew that this year I will have to experience 2 major changes in life. Since the year hasn't ended yet and if you're using the chinese calendar, this year still has some mileage in it and that means there's still time for things to hit me. So the change that I had to endure that caused me to write such emotional post the last time I wrote is I have to change my living situation :'( I actually saw it coming the day Max started living with us. Seeing it coming didn't prepare me to when it actually happened. It also happened in a way that I could never imagine. Jenny asked if I wanted to join forces with them to a bigger place. She even added that the kids love me. So that was really touching and made me think that even though I am pretty much lonely and miserable all the time, I am capable of making connection with people in meaningful ways. I had to decline the offer. One because it's far, though some may argue it's not. Two because I cannot put myself deeper into a family that isn't mine. My commitment issue runs pretty deep, as you can see. So I have no choice but to move and strike out on my own again.
Now, there is something else that could have had happened. That is of me moving back to Indonesia for good. You see, I had this plan in my head that if I turn 30 and I still have noone here, then I would move back home to be with my family because living without my family kinda sucks and I have lost so much time missing out on my family memories and my parents are not actually getting younger. If you think that requirement of being 30 and single is stupid, you're not the only one. I remember Gascoigne thinking that it was stupid thinking on my part. I'd love to think he just wants me around but I think he just likes to disapprove anything I says. Combined this with the thought that if Jenny should ever kick me out, I would rather pack my stuff to go home rather than to move to another place. The packing is a killer. Alas I couldn't do that because change #1 happened before I knew I have to move. Maybe God still has plan for me here in Singapore? I don't know but since my family / my parents do not like quitter, I have no choice but to stay and deal with this change.
It was a really depressing change. Financially I have to pay S$250 more on this new room. There are cheaper rents in Europe than what we have to pay here in Singapore. Then I have to deal with the darn agent which I loathe despite of her trying to be all sweet with me. Then there's the packing. My God! I actually threw away many of my text books that I had carried with me since my NUS days. It's crazy to think that back when I was a student, we moved like every 4-5 months, every end of terms. I ended up deciding to just live with boxes and didn't bother to unpack. I've done this many times before but I just broke down this time around. I was feeling depressed about this move for many different reasons. The last time I had to do this, it was like I was voted off by the tribe, so I had much anger and hatred which kinda still linger ever so slightly. That fueled me to just move on. This time around, I just don't want to leave my existence to a more expensive place, in a place which is less strategic, and all in the midst of life which is not going well. I was really really feeling depressed. I was trying to control myself to not burst into tears anytime anywhere which I was prone to do. I was stressed out about many things.
This brings me to a point which I would just like to make despite of me perhaps should just not. I cannot believe how self-centered people can be. Why don't they have empathy? Quoting Wikipedia, Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion. Compassion! Why are they not showing me any? Why don't they care? Like Dewi for example. I wonder if we haven't been termed "best friends", if I would consider her to be a good friend. I gave this long explanation to her and some other people that I am stressed out and depressed. I used the word depressed and they just gave me a one line response after the many lines of explanation that I gave and darn do they check up on me from time to time? No, they came to me with their own trivial stuff. Dewi came to me to ask for help with english stuff without even asking how I am doing and she's not the only person doing this. Seriously? What if I have jumped off a bridge or something. Will you not feel guilty if you look at the message history that you've been blabbing on and on about yourself and your silly things when one of your so-called friend had said she's depressed? All this just add to all the negativity that I feel. Though not all has been that bad. There's someone who asked if I'm alright but then it was weird since we didn't actually talk the last time around, I couldn't possibly be pouring my deepest concerns now. Then there's my cousin, Yen Lisa, who did check up on me and gave me encouraging words like my mom, but I was just really in such a deep depression hole that it was hard to lift myself up.
Someone who was really nice was La Gioia. She actually asked me to let her know if I need help with the moving. I didn't ask her because she lives far away. I was really touched that she offered help. I have this tendency to not want to owe people anything but in the end I decided to just swallow my pride and just asked for help. I asked YeeMaggio and her dad if they would help and they helped me today and I am really really grateful. Overall today went much better than I could have expected. Jenny was all zen about it and was really nice to me. Didn't see it coming! She paid all my deposit back which I truly appreciated despite of me confessing of things which are broken. It was truly weird that yesterday there was just clarity and courage in my head and heart to just confess to her considering the fear of her which has been bugging me for weeks. The money was great to have back really because I don't want to touch my other saving. My dear mother offered me money some weeks back to try to make me feel better after I was crying (again) on the phone with all my stress. I don't know if she ever realized I was crying. She didn't know what she could do to make things better for me so she threw money at me. I felt like crying when I saw her text, not because I was touched, but because I realized that money will not solve all my agony and all I wanted was just for people to be there, physically there for me, to help me with everything and I have noone :'( So that's how depressed I was.
Anyway so that's one problem which is over now. I really don't want crazy things to happen again God, please :'( So anyway my new landlady happens to be named Jenny too. I shall refer to her as Jenny 2.0. She seems nicer than Jenny and tried her best to make me feel comfortable. She was surprised to see I have so much stuff and that made me feel embarrassed. Max was around when I left but he was sleeping so we didn't say goodbye. I actually heard him coming in early this morning. We didn't have a proper goodbye and it's a pity but strangely I wasn't too bummed out about it. He said I would feel lonely without him and I told him that he would too. Who else will he asks to talk about tv series and stuff, like the state of France right now. Oh the crazy thing he could spring on me. The one memorable conversation he brought up was about Jew, immigrants, and his opinion on the state of France right now. It was so weird and random that I actually gave some time to have this discussion with him. He said he was responding to me telling him that he doesn't read and doesn't have much things in his head :P I still think his arguments were flawed though. He thinks Marine Le Pen has the most correct vision for France and I happened to think she's rather racist. I will truly miss manipulating his brain and talking about tv and stuff. With The Walking Dead back for its new season, we would have had great discussion. Our last talk was actually bitching about Jenny which made me feel rather bad now since Jenny was uber nice when I was leaving. I have to say the niceness felt really weird and I know that's very bad of me to be saying that. I feel totally thankful to God that it ends well and since she was so nice, I really do have to come to their housewarming that she promised she would invite me to. Mom insists that I do not cut ties with them too so yeah ... It's been a long post. For some reason, I didn't sleep last night. I hope I do tonight. Hope I will feel better and things will be better, please God, please. Take care peeps! Buonanotte!
:) eKa @ 11:19:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Went to watch To Rome with Love today. How I miss Italia. This movie kinda reminded me too that Italians do speak faster than I can understand them. To Rome with Love is a Woody Allen's movie. The third one that anchored itself in a city, after Barcelona and Paris. I think it's better than Midnight in Paris but I don't think it's better than Vicky, Christina, Barcelona. Midnight in Paris was pretty brainy and so if you don't know the people introduced in the movie and their history, you will not get its charm. To Rome with Love consists of a few different stories that does not connect in the end as some this type of movie often does. One of the story happened in a course of day while the rest spanned a few days. I actually like it very much but it's because I love Italy, so perhaps I'm bias. Obviously there are some parts of Rome that I haven't seen, but for the parts that I recognized, it brought back a lot of memories. My first time in Piazza del Popolo for example. It's weird seeing those places on the screen because they just appeared in a different light or angle as I remember them to be. Story wise, I think it was pretty good, whimsical and broaching to other dimension in the way that Woody Allen usually does it. I don't have any favorite story in there because as usual the characters in Woody Allen's story always have some flaws in them. I think the casts were great. I was surprised on how fluent Penélope Cruz is in Italian. I don't know if she always speaks Italian or if it's because it's just easier to speak Italian when you speak Spanish. It was interesting to see Roberto Benigni, though the way he moved really just reminded me of La Vita è Bella. Woody Allen was interesting for me. His mannerism is always the same in every movies he put himself in that I wonder if he's really that way in real life and I wonder how much of himself is inside each of the characters.So anyway, I got a really bad news yesterday and it clouds my mind in everything I do so I how I perceived the movie may be different if I am mentally well. I feel like it's just one thing after another, bad things are rolling my way. This is really bad. Life changing kinda bad. The irony was that I saw it coming since long ago but I didn't see it unfolding this way. I was already telling some people about my worry and what I would do if it happened. Now it finally happens but damn my life right now is rather difficult for me to execute the plan that I was envisioning. I am freaking out. I have to deal with it but when I think about it, my head starts to hurt. I know there will be bigger and more devastating situation than this in my life, but right now I'm feeling this hard. I just really really don't want to deal with this. If God can shift heaven and earth, modify the physics of the universe, and stop this from happening, I would really really really like Him to do so. However, from the conversation I have, that is not to be. Even writing this make my head hurts. I feel like crying but I haven't yet even though I can feel tears are coming. I am still holding them in. I am in denial but I should get up and really deal with this. I wish ... I wish God can just wipe this all away, or He could just wipe me away and so I don't have to deal with this. I wish for things to be easier. Why? Why is not easier for me? Why can't things just work out for me? When I was out and about and I look at people and their faces, I wonder if they have a happy life, if someone is hurting as bad as I do. I feel lonely and tired. I know that things happen and what I am facing is not that tragic at all. There are people who have their world crushed in a matter of second and I am far from that kind of suffering but right now, really, why? Why does this have to happen? Why can't things just be alright for me? Why do I have to deal with all these difficulties that I can't even figure out? Why? Am I paying bad for all the bad karma that I've accumulated? I am crying now and I am very sorry. I am sorry for complaining. I am sorry for being weak. I lied. I do want someone to save me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of having to figure out everything on my own. I'm tired of having to defend for myself all the time and I am utterly lonely. I know that God will make it alright, that I'll be alright, I'll get through this but for now, it's just hard for me and I am miserable. I'm tired. Oh God, please :'(
:) eKa @ 10:54:00 PM • 0 comments
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
It's gonna be an interesting day this coming Thursday for the people of Jakarta. This Thursday, the people of Jakarta will be voting for their governor. It is actually round 2 of the election. In round 1, there were 5 other candidates contesting the incumbent governor. Candidates applied in pairs, the governor and vice governor. The rule states that if no candidate gets more than 50% of the vote, the top 2 pairs will go to round 2. So here we are now, the incumbent governor, Fauzi Bowo, and his pair, Nara, who are natives of Jakarta versus the seemingly favorite of the people, Joko Widodo (Jokowi), a Javanese man who is the mayor of Solo (a city in Central Java) and his pair, Basuki / Ahok, a Chinese guy who is a Christian.In round 1, it was already predicted that the election would go to round 2. However noone predicted that the pair Jokowi and Ahok would come on top. It wasn't indicated in any of the pre surveys. So the result of round 1 seems like a blindside by the Jakartans, the kind you relish in Survivor. I had a grin in my face when I followed the news at that time. I did wonder if it was simply a case of surveys not properly done, which is not surprising if you know how things work in Indonesia. I wasn't actually surprised with the result. Simply because noone in my Facebook friends post anything about the incumbent, while there are a few who post links or declare support for Jokowi. So it seems to me that there are just more people who support Jokowi and they really try to rally support for him. That is also the reason why this election captured my attention.
Since I live in Singapore, I cannot participate in the election even though I am registered in Jakarta. Since I don't live in Jakarta, I have tried to refrain from putting my opinion into this. I probably only spend at most 1 month in a year in Jakarta. I do not experience the daily torture of things like traffic jam, pollution, and bigger issue like flood. I cannot make a proper judgement if the incumbent governor is really ineffective. At the same time, I think noone can really guarantee that Jokowi and Ahok will be better and Jakarta will go into its golden era. They do have a very good track record in their jobs and have been very transparent in how they use their budget. However I think it's really an issue of a small towner coming to manage a chaotic big city. Will all their experience which are not relatively that long prove enough to handle the big Jakarta with all its problems which were accumulated from many years of mismanagements?
There are many reasons why people make their decision. On the eve of the first round, my mother sent me a text to tell me that she's voting for Jokowi because his pair is a Christian Chinese guy. She's voting based on racial line. Ahok happens to be from an island nearby to where my parents come from, so I think they perhaps feel a certain affinity that there is this person who comes from perhaps similar background with ours, who are putting himself forward to contribute himself to the country. You can see in the history of Indonesia, there are not many Indonesian Chinese who have taken major position in the country. So I guess my parents feel he needs all the support we can give. I have a feeling all the little Chinese kids will be told by their parents over and over to try and be as successful as Ahok :P
When my brother was here, he surprisingly told me that he voted for independent candidates in the first round. It's surprising because our family never really talk about our thoughts in politics. Independent candidates are candidates which are not backed up by any political party, unlike the incumbent and Jokowi. Candidates who are backed by political parties may need to return the favor in the future and in what ways it will happen is worrying. My brother and I share the same sentiment that we're uneasy with the fact that Jokowi is supported by Prabowo Subianto, an ex-general who is linked to human rights abuses during his military days. Prabowo himself has declared his intention to run for presidential election 2 years from now. To borrow Singapore's lingo, he brings kiasu-ness to a new level. I actually have to say that I think his attempt this early to get the people to know him is actually a really good idea. It seems he has also been backing up other governor candidates all over Indonesia, which I think can be beneficial if he really becomes the president of Indonesia, it will be like he has all his people placed in important places. Is he good enough to be the next president? I'm not feeling it.
Back to Jakarta governor election, the point was my brother did not vote for the incumbent. I do not know if he will give his vote to Jokowi for the second round. I hope he will. I came from a place in which I felt that I have no right to make a choice, having not lived in Jakarta currently, the stake is not high for me. However seeing how the campaigns progressed, I really hope that Jokowi + Ahok will win. The worse part about the campaign was when the religion and racial issue of Ahok was being brought up. There was an Indonesian celebrity who gave a talk during the muslim's friday prayer, telling them that a muslim cannot chose a leader who's not a muslim. I googled that Al Quran verse. It seemed to me that the line was more that muslims cannot choose a leader over them who's not a muslim without good moral character and integrity. That statement from that celebrity which happened to be backed up by many people have garnered many criticism from many people, many muslims themselves. There were arguments that our country is not an Islamic country so to use Islamic teachings purely never fits the concept of Indonesia. Some also says that if we only have 2 choices between a muslim without much integrity and capability and a non-muslim with better character and track record, should people stay with the muslim who will not bring them to better days? That is just illogical, right? There were also who say that Jakarta has enough of "leaders", now we just need people who will just serve instead of flaunting their power over the people.
I personally feel very sad about this racial and religion issue. This guy is only running as a vice governor and he is attacked this badly. What does this say about the possibility of a Chinese running for bigger position, will there ever be a Chinese vice president or president? Or non-muslim for that matter? I do wonder if Ahok was not a Chinese, if he was a Batak Christian or from Manado, would he still get attacked badly? Indonesian Chinese are always accused of not contributing to the country and here it is when one wants to do so, he is attacked on a very personal issue instead of on his ability and vision. For this reason, I think the vote should be for Jokowi + Ahok. It may be more of a symbolical vote than anything else but it will be a vote that says we should be an open and tolerant society, where people has equal chance regardless of their race and religion. The past few years in Indonesia and in Jakarta have shown how muslim extremists are doing their best to enforce their beliefs in all aspects and often time with violence. So I also think a vote for Jokowi is bigger than just about managing Jakarta, it's symbolical in telling these groups that it's more than just belief. It's doing the right thing, it's about practising religion with logic, respect, and tolerance for other. I think a vote for Jokowi is a vote for hope, hope for a better change. I find their message of change is really similar to President Obama's campaign 4 years ago and I think if they win, it will also be similar to how President Obama won 4 years ago. It would be about a wave of change that many people crave for and also the step forward of putting someone who is racially different in office. I don't know how the result will turn out. I will be shocked if the incumbent wins but maybe there will be a blindside again. Until we find out, I really hope that it's Jokowi + Ahok who win :)
:) eKa @ 10:35:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, September 08, 2012
The Life of Pi, Mine, Ted ... And Other Things
I finished reading Life of Pi. While it would be quite a stretch comparing my life currently to the struggle of Pi when he was stranded in the Pacific, I couldn't help feeling that I could relate to the misery and desolate feeling that he was having. While he had every right to be feeling miserable, for me to compare my situation to his, is rather dramatic of me and I'm basically just being ungrateful and such a complainer. I think Life of Pi was pretty good and uplifting except for the last part where he was giving an alternative story of what happened to him. I think for the younger reader, it could be quite traumatic to be going through that part. I wonder why the writer wrote that. He wanted a dark twist in his story to make it appear more intelligent with deeper underlying content? I think it totally ruined the whole hopeful, never-give-up theme going on throughout the story. I am looking forward for the movie and I wondered if it would include this part. The story carries the theme of God throughout but I'm not sure if I am somewhat strengthened in my belief in God or if it would be successful to get the atheists or agnostics to be thinking differently for example. Maybe if the story really happened, it would carry some weight. However there are many people who have survived terrible horrible things and they have attributed God as the reason they are alive, and all these inspiring stories have never really shaken the belief or the lack of of all the atheists and the agnostics.Anyway, as I was finishing the pages of Life of Pi this week, and he's safe and sound, ready for a new life, I wonder if my life's too gonna change. I wonder and wonder. Right now I'm not seeing land appearing in my horizon so I don't know, but God can just change things around in a blink of an eye. It doesn't help to talk about all the unperfect things in my world but sometime it just seems worse things come my way, like last week. I had some sort of health annoyance that turned into a health scare. Luckily my doctor had some good medicine around and I got better. Obviously I was pretty down with all that, but it made me think that just when you think things are awful in your life, another bigger bad thing happens and it makes all the previous problems seem little and you feel rather amazed that you somewhat don't break apart from all that and is there to face the new problem. I am weird that way. Anyway so look at that, I completed my goal of finishing 5 books this year. It's the most number of books that I have read in a year since even before I came to Singapore and we're only in September now! There are 3 months left in the year and maybe I'll finish reading Bumi Manusia from Pramoedya Ananta Toer that I just started before the year ends. I've only gone through a few pages and so far I like it. The flow of the language is old Indonesian though. It's perhaps the equivalent of reading a Jane Austen's novel or like watching the movie True Grit (as I was reminded when I was reading the book), it's like people don't speak or write that way anymore. It made me stumble a few times, rereading the lines again to understand it more. I wonder if it's because I've been using English more than Indonesian for many years. As I was reading the book, I was curious how the story gets to where it is now. If I'm not mistaken, it started when P.A Toer was telling the story orally to other inmates when he was politically imprisoned. I'm not sure if those story got out and someone wrote it down or if it was written after he got out. Someone should make a movie out of his life, properly though.
I've also started to learn how to crochet. I remember an assignment in my french class with Mr. F where I think we had to write what we want to learn if we have a free time. I wrote knitting or crocheting and baking. So I've finally started to learn how to crochet. I am one who's sceptical on how learning from youtube can really be engaging but I found myself really getting more help in youtube in my crochet attempt. I guess in this case, words and still pictures don't work for me. I'm not sure, maybe I just have trouble following instructions. When I read the instructions for some patterns, I just couldn't get it. Maybe because I'm still in such an early stage. I'm doing the simple granny square now and I think I still suck in changing colors and ending my stitches and overall I don't crochet neatly. I tried to get some yarns today but the store which I thought would have it doesn't have it, so I can't really practice with the changing colors part. I have high hopes to try more things but I have to say I get overwhelmed a lot with the complexity of the patterns :( Also my DELF preparation class took a sharp turn yesterday. We are having 2 teachers now, each for 1 hour and they gave us pages and pages of reading material and exercises. So all the free time that I picture I will have to relax and watch things are substantically cut. I'm not sure how to juggle all this since September also means all the American TV shows that I watch will start again soon. Days with Glee, Walking Dead, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Grey's Anatomy and I think even Downton Abbey is starting soon. So it seems I will start to be really busy in my personal free time.
Now for movies which I managed to watch since the last time I wrote but was lazy to write about. I watch The Expendables 2 with La Gioia some weeks back. I remember the first one was rather boring that I think some of the people I watched it with slept in the middle of it. However when I watched the trailer for the sequel with Van Damme looking pretty cool there, I was interested to watch it and I think La Gioia was the perfect person to watch it with since well she's kinda perhaps grew up with these stars. I think it was actually pretty good and I like it. Too bad they killed Van Damme's character, so he won't get to appear again. Jet Li only appeared for a really short time and yet at the closing credit, he got third billing. I wondered why he was pretty much written out in the adventure, was he getting too expensive? Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis got more screen time and they did have some funny lines. I think Jason Statham was less cool in this one. I guess I'm just drawn to Jean Claude Van Damme.
Then I also watched The Campaign, a comedy with Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell. It told the story of the campaign of the republican and democrat candidates to be a congressman. Obviously it's a satire for all the campaigns going on for the USA presidential election. It was funny and entertaining, but the comedy was over the top sometime, not quite intelligent and was rather slapstick, which of course can be expected when you put those people in a movie together. Then today I went to watch Ted which was as outrageous as the idea. It was also funny, but I'm just not into guys who love to get wasted. I was thinking of how a boy who grows up with a living teddy bear can turn out to be quite a loser. It's just not possible for him to grow up as a doctor or something like that because there's already something disturbing in having a living teddy bear be your forever and ever best friend and be around in your life all the time? :P I'm not sure how I feel about the ending but when the ending turned into a happy one, I was thinking it was perhaps one of those things they do to ensure there's a possibility for a sequel. So I guess that's that peeps. As usual, I hope things are glorious in your days!
:) eKa @ 10:21:00 PM • 2 comments
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Hello guys! Selamat Lebaran!It's been a real nice holiday break for Indonesia. It started yesterday with our 67th Independence day and people may take off for the entire of next week. My facebook friends in Jakarta have been commenting on how quiet the city is and of course they love it that way :) My mom herself is going to Bali tomorrow with some of my aunts and uncles. My other cousin and her parents will also spend next week in South Korea. Lebaran break can actually be a seriously stressful period in households which employ maids, nannies, and drivers. All those helps can be gone for a week or so and parents or teenagers who have never had to take care of the house found themselves having to clean after themselves, oh the horror for the rich. Of course if they are immensely rich, they will just get out of the city themselves and enjoy the break away in hotels where you get served. Anyways many people seem to be having a nice holiday break. I can't say much about me. I'm not sure what I will be doing. I think I will spend most of it in my room, watching a lot of stuff in my computer, a bad thing since I really should be learning french.
I had my last French class today. It's the last class in the advance level and I'm not continuing after this. Well because I am taking DELF preparatory class to prepare me for the B2 DELF exam. We had our first session (out of 12) yesterday evening. I'm not loving weekday classes at 7 pm to 9 pm, but we don't have a choice. I need all the help that I can get to tackle B2. Why B2? Because it's comparative to the CELI 3 exam that I did before I left my Italian class. So I want to leave my french education at the same level as my Italian one. We did the part on the listening comprehension yesterday and though I met the minimal requirement, I think I did poorly. I score 12 out the maximum 25. There are 4 parts to the test, each carries 25 points. As usual, I am approaching this strategically and I am having a hard time figuring out how to tackle the parts. The competitive me wants to get 90 and above but that does not seem attainable. So then I am eyeing on the 80 and above range and that also proves to be difficult because that would mean in each of the 4 parts I can only make a less than 5 points mistake. That is difficult because right now I think I can only safely hope that I'll get 15 in each part, which will make a total of 60. To go from 60 to 80 is hard and I don't know if this preparatory class will help :( By the way I only got C for CELI 3 but I studied on my own for it. The test will be in November. Considering this is August, it seems that we have plenty of time to get ready right? That's the thing though, one needs to put the commitment and effort and for anyone who has left the education system, one would agree with me, I think, when I say how we hate having to go back to the books and getting ready for exams :(
So anyway, yesterday we ended at 9 something and by 9 am today I was back at Alliance Française for a test that I totally didn't prepare for. Well of course I was late but I think I wasn't so badly late as compared to my usual self, I think I was less than 5 minutes late and that was because I went to the toilet first before coming to class. I heard Mr. N was being funny when he told the rest that I would be there even though I complained about having to have a test :D I think the test was difficult except for the listening part. Maybe Mr. N was being nice that he made it easy for us or perhaps there's some sort of trap somewhere there. When I saw the essay question, I did think how far we have come. The question was, what is spirituality for you and what is its place in the modern society? :) Smile, I can only smile seeing that. Imagine how you are going to answer that in your mother tongue and fill around 1.5 pages with your answer. Then imagine doing that in a new language that you are learning and at the same time trying to be sophisticated in your answer. In a way I like how my language lessons always progress into a point that got me thinking about stuff. I chose a similar topic about God and all for the orale part. Mr. N chose me to go first and XF to go second and the rest could go in turns as they please. Errr ... why me? He said because I was courageuse, that is courageous in French. We were given time to prepare but after some minutes I was like okay whatev, let's go and of course I blew it. I'm really not good in speaking. Not that I did well in the writing part, I think I was pretty sweet and idealistic in it but I think it was disjointed, repetitive, and not really putting much insight in adressing the question. As for the orale, I think Mr. N was being nice that at the end of it he said he got my point of view :P I think the best part of it was sharing about religion and my family and getting him surprised because he didn't know that side about me and perhaps didn't see that one coming :P Moments like this are some of the things I love about my classes, the fact that I managed to build connection and relationship with some of my classmates and teachers. Yes perhaps it's not long lasting but there were really moments, at least for me, in all those Saturdays when we are truly friends and we were having a good time for the 3 hours we spent together. So with that I was a bit kinda sad that this was the end of my Saturday classes. I don't know how I will deal with my Saturdays from now on. Yes, I complain about getting up early, being tired, about it being demanding and hard, yesterday and today were particularly so, but in the end I cannot deny that there were days when the classes were the best part of my week.
Movie this week was Brave which I watched because I really needed something to kinda cheer me up. I think it wasn't that amazing. The short animation before it, La Luna, was pretty smart though. Anyway, perhaps I was really not in a good place that I really needed more to amuse me and Brave didn't fulfill the task. I have to say that I didn't expect the story to be like that based on the trailer that I saw, so in a way I did get a nice surprise, but overall in the end I was feeling rather bored. So that's that. I guess perhaps I should talk about life but I don't really want to. If I can be honest, I am feeling pretty lonely, pretty sad, and of course God is nice that He gives me things or people to make me feel slightly better when I am feeling really down. I wish I can ask this and that to God but I think asking for this and that is also a form of complaining so I am trying to be strong. Maybe the universe knows me, perhaps Mr. N was right, that no matter how I feel I don't want to deal with something, when the time comes I will be right there and I will be fighting. I guess I've spoken too much. Perhaps if I shouldn't ask God to relieve me from the obstacles I have to face, I could wish for God to give me something amusing in my life, something that can be a good distraction and hopefully makes me smile. Alright, take care peeps. If you have a break in your side of the world, enjoy the holiday :)
:) eKa @ 10:58:00 PM • 0 comments
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