Wednesday, September 25, 2024
Picture above is of books I recently got. Was surprised to find out how expensive the books are. Is it inflation? The books are like over 20 SGD a pop and I contemplated if I should take all three. In the end I did because I rarely step foot in Kinokuniya anymore which is like the only book store left in Singapore that carries quite an extensive catalogue? I usually order them online and when I had to pay 30 cents for the plastic bag, I thought buying online gave you that benefit, they pack it with bubble wrap and plastic and you don't have to pay extra for all that. I have become that calculative, so much so that I thought with the prices the book in, it's more value for money to get thicker book. Give me more stories with the money I'm paying please. Aah, the ballad of poor people.
I'm not poor though. A lot of people would argue I am not poor at all. I could survive so that's like luckier than most. In Kino, I also happened to chance upon a book regarding the 2024 prediction for all the Chinese zodiacs. The dogs should be doing well this year, but I'm not feeling it. If anything, mentally I've been spinning further down, it's been bad. Physically, something bad happened last week, so I'm taking the meds and I just hope it could be resolved :( I wonder what the year's been like to my fellow dog cousin. I know my good friend, Dewi, had some nightmares weeks ago. It's so random on how she told me that I was like is her account hacked and I'm talking to some scammer? Anyways, I got to thinking - when Daniel survived in the lion's den, is it really good luck or blessing? Cause I may argue, the good luck or blessing would be not being in the lion's den in the first place! Yeah, don't listen to me, I am in a very woe me, self-centered state right now. Even if I survive the lion's den, I will still be pissed as hell for being in one.
It's been another negative rambling, yes? So maybe let me stop at one good recommendation that I can give you. I've been watching Derry Girls and I love it a lot. Finding myself snorting laughing at some parts and using the Irish inflection in my head. Too bad they do not have a lot of seasons. If only they could go on. I still haven't started on Pachinko season 2. Will do so soon. Another thing I am looking forward to is The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon season 2, The Book of Carol, because Carol and Daryl reunited, you just have to watch that right.
:) eKa @ 8:48:00 PM • 0 comments
Monday, August 26, 2024
The title of the post is me copying 3 Body Problem, a TV series that I recently completed and I really love. My one-body problem is just me. I revolve around myself with my uncontrollable anxiety. It's been mentally draining reaching this end of August. I thought once I got through a big hump that filled me with dread I would feel better, but no not really. I'm still feeling gloomy. There's still more anxiety to be had, many different kinds if I really think about it :(
Anyways, 3 Body Problem, I like it a lot. It's based on a novel by a Chinese author. I read in Wikipedia, it's a trilogy of novels. It tells a story about an alien race who's on their way to invade Earth because their planet with its three suns is hostile to their survival. The aliens will arrive in 400 years and the story is about the humans who are trying to fight this invasion. If you know an alien race would come to invade Earth, of course you're gonna be like whaaat?!?! But then when you think about their eta is 400 years from now, second thought would be like okay, we'll be dead by then. Climate change may wipe us first, so hold your horses and calm the shit down? :D The next question would then be, should we do something about it now? The more I think about it as this TV series lingered in my head after the last episode is that, if you're driven by love, you may do something about it now. 400 years - that's like your grand grand grand kids time if all the generations are fortunate enough to live a long life. If you are able to think about those people and think of them with love, you may try as much as you can to help them. Then on the same line, why are we not doing more about climate change? Aliens would come in 400 years and this becomes the main focus of the people in the TV series. No one told the aliens, climate change would make the Earth hostile as well :D
How the aliens found out about our location was because some years back a Chinese scientist who was working to find extraterrestrial life received a response to the signal they're broadcasting. She was warned by an alien not to reply back because it would tell the aliens of the Earth location, but the scientist so disillusioned with human decided to reply back and told the aliens to come. The scientist experienced many cruelty and suffering in her life up to that point so her worldview was bleak and I thought this unilateral decision (she didn't tell anyone - well she didn't have anyone she could trust) was unfair and I was glad to see one of the characters confronted her in the later episode. One thing we learn about the aliens is that they don't understand the concept of a lie and when they found out about it from the man leading a pro-alien organization, they pretty much turned against the human because they don't think they can co-exist with beings who lie and they started calling us bugs and this caused panic. This part was very interesting to me because if the aliens don't lie, then what was that one alien who first saw the message going to do? Wouldn't it have to lie and tell the other aliens that they didn't receive any message? The aliens part is really interesting for me, I want to know more about them. So far we know they could dehydrate like raisins when their planet is entering its hostile state and come back to full form when hydrated and they don't understand the concept of lying, and that's pretty much it so I'm so so curious about them - do they have God, what do they think of the concept of God. The focus of the story is more on the humans and what they're going to do about this. Quite a number of the characters are very likeable and I was quite sad seeing some of them died. TV series who know their time is limited often have to make bold moves like that, but it's still hard. I was like can't you all stay around longer. The TV series is created by the duo who did Game of Thrones so it was also nice seeing a number of actors who were in Game of Thrones be in this TV series. One character that I only realized halfway was Ser Davos who in this TV series played a character who leads the Planetary Defense Council (PDC) and I was surprised upon finding it out because his character is so different. In here he's the leader, no bullshit kinda person. Perhaps a bit hard to accept, but he might be the leader that is necessary for the situation. In conclusion, I love 3 Body Problem a lot, so much so that I even contemplated if I should watch the Chinese TV series adaptation. Wikipedia told me there's 30 episodes, so that would be quite a commitment. For now, I just can't wait for season 2.
Another thing that I watched before 3 Body Problem was House of the Dragon. I gotta say, I didn't particularly like season 1. I think I was like perhaps tired with it. Like we went through Game of Thrones so to step into the same world, I guess I was missing originality and wishing for something new. Season 2 though, I like it much better and I think a big part of why I like it is because somehow I like Aemond a lot. Like I was like, why do I like Aemond? It feels like I need to examine myself on why I'm being drawn to this character who's not necessarily a nice person. Being the silly person that I am, I googled why do I like Aemond? Turned out, many people like him too - maybe we all need to examine ourselves :D Really, in this earth with the billions of people, your feeling is never unique, and yet we often feel so alone when chances are someone out there feel or know exactly what you are feeling. Anyways, so those are the TV series. The one that I am really looking forward now is Pachinko season 2, but I think I will wait until all the episodes roll in before I start watching them. I've also been wanting to go to the movie since the past months I couldn't make the time to do so, but now when I think I have the time, there's no movie that I actually want to watch. No, don't tell me to go watch Deadpool & Wolverine, again where's the originality?
:) eKa @ 9:34:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, July 26, 2024
I cannot quite believe it, but it's true. It seems I've only completed one full book so far this year. I did finish Demon Copperhead this year, but I started that last year. So far Great Circle is the only book I started and finished in this year. Gosh, I don't know what to make of my unproductivity. It's almost hard to believe that there were years passed that I managed to read more than 5 books a year. Anyways, Great Circle is by Maggie Shipstead. It tells 2 stories, one was about a girl, Marian, born in the 1910s who wanted to fly plane and she did that. The book opens with a map showing a great circle around the earth that Marian attempted to complete, but there's a missing line, signifying she didn't complete her circle. The other story was about an actress in our contemporary time who's going to be playing Marian in a movie. I didn't enjoy the actress story much and even wondered the point of her story, but she's important to deliver the twist on what happened to Marian in the end. Throughout I was more interested with Marian's story. Yes, the actress also had a tragic childhood similar to Marian, but I was just more invested with Marian while the actress just tired me. The other thing about Marian, the other characters in her life were also interesting. I love reading about her twin brother Jamie and their childhood friend Caleb. Jamie was not the main character in this book, we don't know much about his thoughts during his childhood so to learn more about him was great. He was such an endearing character. Another thing that I wanted to learn more is about Marian and Jamie's dad, but we didn't get to know more about what happened to him.
SPOILER ALERT - stop reading if you're planning to read the book. As depressed as I am, I was surprised at myself because I was happy upon finding out that Marian survived the flight and she's alright. She's not lost somewhere in some ocean. Marian went through a lot of difficulty and sadness in her life, but she had also overcome a lot, so if she was to die, I was acceptant about it and she was too, but I supposed it's in her instinct to always try and so she lived on. As someone who thinks that living is more difficult than dying, I was just surprised that I was glad at this fact. Not only did Marian survive, she also flourished in the next part of her life. She's one of those people who would just always be okay no matter the struggles in life. One of the character in the book described her as formidable and she's indeed so. Side note: one time in french class the teacher pronounced the word formidable, couldn't remember why he did so, but I just thought it sounded better in french, like formidable sounds more formidable in french :D Anyways back to Marian, one thing that differs with me and Marian and made me think I need to reasses myself is how I felt about the end of her navigator. Her navigator chose not to go with her in her last leg. The navigator thought they wouldn't make it and he didn't want to die drowning. So he decided to stay in Antartica alone which essentially meant he's going to die. He was at peace with it saying maybe he'd just walk out one night and lie down under the aurora. Marian had guilt about this, about not trying to persuade him to go with her, about leaving him alone, and about not sending help even after she survived, but the navigator already said that she shouldn't do all that. He had chosen his path. I do not have guilt about this whatsoever. I know that one couldn't say for sure if this happens to be an actual person I know, not just some character in a book, but overall I think he's a grown adult who through the twists and turns of his own life came to this decision. So if it were me, I would ask are you sure maybe more than 10 times and then be like okay. There's an appeal to me about being alone on your own term and knowing your time is going to end and it may end soon. I am way too depressed, I guess. Overall not a bad book. There are some lines that Marian wrote in her journal that just spoke to me, things like, why go at all? I have no answer beyond my certainty that I must.
What else? Been watching a few stuff. I was glad that The Bear season 3 is still great. I also watched The Sympathizer which I thought was not bad. I remember I didn't particularly enjoy the book, like I can't remember much of the story of the book. The TV series did a better job of making me follow a line of story better. There's an unsettling feeling throughout all the episodes which personally for me was rather truthful to the feeling that I got from reading the book. The ending when we have to reflect on the line nothing is more precious than independence and freedom did stump me a bit. I think I got it though it took me awhile to think about it and even so I don't know if my understanding of it is correct. It felt like a very Buddhist way of thinking, of forming non-attachment. I feel like I still need to think about it, especially in the context of all the characters in the story who struggled in this Vietnam revolution. The nothingness, their suffering, their ideals, how to come to terms with all that. Really it's like I need to think more about this. I could be getting all this completely wrong. Some good stories are the ones that get you thinking deeply, unfortunately I don't give much time for that because once a story is done, I move on to the next.
:) eKa @ 9:45:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, July 10, 2024
teruslah jalan, terus berjalan
sebentar lagi ku akan sampai tujuan
Jalan Pulang - Yura Yunita
Day 12. I woke up, showered, wore the same clothes I had been wearing which made me rather yucky, then went for breakfast and it was then when I realized it's the second time now trying to leave Germany and again I was thwarted. Granted, I eventually got to where I needed to go, but gosh the obstacles, what's going on universe? My Singapore Airlines flight was at 12:30 pm. I didn't have to arrive early in the airport because I had checked in the night before. Frankfurt city center is actually around 20-min train ride away. If I had any drop of adventurous-ness left, I would have woken up earlier and spent the morning exploring it, but I was so done with Germany. I just wanted to get back. So after breakfast, I went back to my room to just laze around, watch CNN, and charge my phone. I still left for the airport early though because until I was on the plane, I wasn't feeling secure. When I left the hotel, there was a drizzle and I was like, of course it had to be like this with me and Germany. Even in the daylight, I had difficulty finding my way to the Gateway Gardens station. I was like, what the fuck?!?! Google gave me direction but somehow I couldn't find the turn that I was supposed to take. I was walking back and forth in the drizzle and that was annoying that I finally just stopped and asked these few men who were standing and chatting. They're Indian looking and older, perhaps that's where a little comfort came for me because it's like a familiar sight. One of them pointed me the way. I ended up taking the longer way, the Bessie Coleman street - what's with the English sounding names in this this part of Frankfurt? There's a mural of a black lady in aviator attire as I was passing the street and I assume that's Bessie Coleman. I was like, you go girl! I googled her and Wikipedia told me, she's the first African-American woman and first Native American to hold a pilot license. So she's a trailblazer. Unfortunately she died young in a plane crash :( I don't know if the universe tried to tell me anything, letting me get to know her, but it's kinda tied to a book that I've been reading for awhile now, which tells a story about a female aviator who overcame many obstacles to fly. The character in the book even flew in World War 2. I learn there's a whole group of women who helped by flying combat planes all over so that the male pilots could use them. These women didn't have it easy with the men looking down at them. Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg who made miniseries like Band of Brothers, The Pacific, and all should do one that focuses on women who helped the war effort.
Anyways, back to me trying to find Gateway Gardens station. Even as I was approaching it, I wasn't sure it was the station because it looked like a construction site. Google maps was telling me you're there and when I approached the structure, I found out that yep, I was there. It was like holy Jesus, what the ...?!?! I hope they would make this station nicer on the outside. Arriving at the airport, I was quite early I guess that I couldn't find the gate on the board. This filled me with anxiety. Seriously, until I get to the gate and see the actual plane, I couldn't just relax. I decided to see if the airport site had more updated information. It did and I found the gate, so I decided to just go in. I had some euros left and so done was I with Germany, I decided to buy not German chocolates, but Dutch ones. There was a Tony's Chocolonely bag which was filled with mini chocolate and it's great. I was glad to see the plane and when I got in the plane, I think that was when I could just finally calm down. It's happening, I was getting back.
I was trying to see a good thing out of this and the only thing I could come up with was that I got to try Singapore Airlines? I wouldn't choose this on my own because they're generally more expensive. So this would perhaps be my first and last flight with them. That being said, if you're on economy class, it's pretty much the same everywhere. Yes, Singapore Airlines give you ice-cream after the main meal, but I'd gotten that from Cathay Pacific too. The extra touch is perhaps the cabin crew who pass around a few times offering snack which in light of recent sudden turbulence news, I do think doing this kinda endanger them. I have to say, yes I complain a lot about what happened to me and I do realize it could always be worse. Just a few days after my flight was the Singapore Airlines turbulence incident that caused someone to die. It's really tragic, especially because they were so close to arriving *sigh* All and all, I arrived back in Singapore okay. Stepping out the plane, the heat was felt immediately and it was like, yep welcome to Singapore. The terminal I landed in didn't have the manual counter so I immediately went to the side and asked the officer to process me. The guy who processed me was kinda cute and I remember thinking this was quite rare. He was like, did you try the automatic gate. I explained my situation - being marked for bad fingerprints. He tried to put me back on the system, but couldn't because I happened to also have sweaty hands then :( He was apologetic about it, so he's nice too :D Then to my luggage which took a long time to come out that thoughts started racing in my head, did I do something wrong, did I miss the part about me having to take care of my luggage back in Frankfurt? One of the staff in Changi even asked me if I was still waiting for my luggage and then he was like, maybe wait a bit more, it's coming. Thank God it really did. What an end to my trip this whole thing was. A whole new experience. I do not wish something like this to ever happen again, but when it does, hopefully I'll be able to get my shit together better. Arriving in my room, I was so tired that I needed to lie down. Didn't last long though because it's hot and I was feeling quite dirty. The delay sucked because I was losing a day to acclimatize physically and mentally before returning to real life.
One final thought on all of this. I was and am fully aware that throughout it all, I was okay, I was fine, which was exactly what I prayed for. I prayed for God to help me be okay, but when those shits were happening, I just freaked out. Yes, I could recuperate, formulate a new plan, and find my ways, but those moments where I got knocked down - well maybe it's the immaturity in me that I couldn't just be cool about it and instead I was emotionally kicking and screaming. This I realize is happening in everyday life too. I've faced shitty things and I have come out okay but when the shitty things happen, I just get down so badly that it paralyzes my being. I hate it so much, the black hole I'm sinking into, causing me to not have a single shred of confidence that I could do this. It's like being dragged down by something heavy and I just have to let myself sink until the freak out could subside and I could slowly make a move to conquer the mountain of shit. People perhaps would say, you don't have to freak out, you're a really capable person, you've done many difficult things, you can do this - well, those are true and I wish it could be the case, but this is where I have to admit I am mentally weak at times that no, in those moments, all I could do really is just try to hold on as I am being tossed around by waves of doubt. I hope maturity would cause these waves to come and go faster, but so far they're really taking a while. Take this month July. I have resigned myself that this will be a depressing month for me, fighting between I don't know if I could survive this and grasping on the little moments where I feel I could maybe try and actually try. Come back to me in the middle of August and see how I'll be then. Chances are I'll be alright, but right now I just don't know. Yesterday I read, Refuse to be discouraged, refuse to be distressed. For when we are despondent, our lives cannot be blessed - Helen Steiner Rice. I had to pray to God to forgive me that I'm not all that and despite that, I hope He still has mercy one me *sigh* Anyways, it's been close to 2 months since I ended the trip, if you have read until this part, wow, thank you. As always, hope your days are glorious :)
:) eKa @ 9:03:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, July 07, 2024
minor miracles, is all I hope for
minor miracles, and I won't need more
Minor Miracles - Papooz
A miracle was really what I asked, but I didn't get it. Maybe it's because what I asked wasn't minor. Day 11 was supposedly the last day of my trip. I went to sleep the night before and woke up in the morning with prayers asking God to help me so that the day could go smoothly. It started lovely enough but the ending was shocking. Anyways, let's not get ahead of ourselves, let's just begin with how the day went first. I started the day feeling positive. For the supposedly last breakfast, I had one of those avocado toast with poached egg. The hotel check out time was generous at 12 pm, so after breakfast I spent the morning in my room watching the latest episode of Survivor and managed to also squeezed in the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. Usually when I go on trips I come back with a backlog of things to watch, but in this trip I managed to stay up to date. Closer to 12, I went to check out, left my luggage at the hotel and off I went to explore the old town.
On the way, I found that the Pączki shop had the pistachio one and I'd been curious about it for days and they were often not there, so I quickly got one and then I went to sit at the town square eating it. Sadly, I could not really taste the pistachio. I'm not sure if it's me, whenever it's pistachio cream or paste or ice cream, I have difficulty tasting it. I really don't know if it's me or the ones I tasted just weren't that good? Still love Pączki though. I can't remember if I had it everyday when I was in Poland. If not everyday, definitely close to everyday :D After I finished the Pączki, I explored the square a bit. There's the Kraków Cloth Hall with shops that sell trinket and souvenirs.
Nearby, there's this head sculpture, Eros Bendato, by Igor Mitoraj. Little kids were getting inside it. There's quite a number of tourists in Krakow. Somehow I didn't really expect this.
From the square, I made my way to Wawel castle, stopping to enter Saints Peter and Paul Church which was on the way. The main gate of the church has many saints statues on them; they're quite striking. Inside, it has a crypt that houses many famous Polish people. Like this one below is of Krzysztof Penderecki who Wikipedia told me was a composer and conductor.
In Wawel castle, I didn't actually plan to enter it because again I visited many castles and palaces in this trip. So I just walked around the compound a little bit.
I did need to use the toilet, but you need to pay to use the toilet, arrrgghh. I did try, but somehow my coins did not work. Then I thought should I ask the tourist I saw sitting nearby one toilet if I could use her ticket to enter the toilet, but then I thought how cheap would I be *sigh* So I contemplated a bit if I should just get a ticket to enter part of the castle so that I could use the toilet. In the ticket counter, I saw that a ticket for the garden was the cheapest at 8 Polish złoty, so I chose that and also because garden is nice to walk around in. The toilet fee is 5 Polish złoty by the way. The garden is not very big, but it happened to have some sculptures being exhibited, so that's kinda interesting.
After the toilet and the garden, I walked around the castle a bit more. Google told me the tower below is Sandomierska Tower. From the castle compound you can also see the Vistula river. The park around it looks nice.
Next in my walking route was visiting the Jewish quarter. Walked the area a bit. Found the Schindler's List Passage which is an alley that was used in the movie. Entered The Corpus Christi Basilica and it was unexpectedly quite nice in the inside. Though I had walked quite far by now, I decided to just really go further out and cross the river and see the Jewish Ghetto Memorial. It was a really really long walk. The memorial has a number of these chairs in a square.
Then it was back to crossing the Vistula river. The bridge is quite long and I thought gosh, I really walked a lot. The focus was really in seeing as much as I can, I didn't stop for lunch that day.
Back in the Jewish quarter, I walked the area a bit more. Saw some synagogues, like the one below is the outside of Remuh Synagogue. I didn't enter any of them because it's not free to enter.
The Jewish quarter was kinda quieter than the old town. There's some tourists, but definitely not as busy as the old town. It also feels bigger to me or maybe I was just already quite tired of walking.
Back in the old town, I took some last pictures, below is of the square. Got another Pączki because I hadn't eaten anything. Then I went back to the hotel to get my stuff. For more pictures of Krakow, go here. You know, I have been putting more photos as compared to years passed, but unfortunately many of them are actually not so good :( I do not improve at all. Anyways, I like Krakow. I know I didn't spend a lot of time in it, which is perhaps a shame. Really, I had quite a relaxing stay in Krakow. The nice suite in the hotel helped :D
So I got my luggage from the hotel, got my train ticket easy enough and off I went to the airport. Check-in was okay. I was hungry, that I had an overpriced corn soup at the airport restaurant. They assigned one of those waiter robot to deliver the soup to me. I don't know why when the rest of the customers were served by real human and I wasn't, but it's okay. I guess it's one experience I could tick off. I found out that my flight to Frankfurt would be delayed and this filled me with anxiety. When I bought the ticket, I knew I would only have around 1 hour transit time in Frankfurt. It felt really tight especially because I had to go through immigration, but I thought they wouldn't sell the ticket if they don't think it's possible. Also, back during my US trip I managed to do a 30-min connection time in Seattle when I had to take the airport shuttle train to a different terminal and in that same trip I also managed to do a 45-min connection time in Tokyo, though I didn't have to go through immigration, there was quite a security check in Narita. Bottomline, I was feeling that perhaps this could be done. I had also done all that I could like choosing a seat near the exit for my flight from Krakow to Frankfurt so that I could disembark quickly. When I saw my flight to Frankfurt was delayed, I thought okay that's not good, but they would never leave me, right. I mean I was flying to Singapore, that's a long distance flight, it's not like there's a flight every hour or so, they could wait. Planes are delayed all the time. I was filled with anxiety really. Krakow airport is not very big, but I managed to find a seat by my gate surrounded by many people. Then I googled the departure listing of the Frankfurt airport. I saw a weird thing that it seemed my Lufthansa flight was being combined with a Singapore Airline flight and it would be leaving 15 minutes earlier. So what the hell? What's happening? I knew nothing because I didn't receive any email about this change. All I could do was just wait and pray. I was surrounded by a group of Italian signore and signori (aunties and uncles) waiting for the same flight to Frankfurt and I wished I could just relax and enjoy the wait and practice Italian with them, but I couldn't. I could only listen to their conversations and in my anxiety prayed - please God I need a miracle.
When I finally got on the plane, I was like let's get going. Upon landing, the pilot made an announcement to say sorry for the all the noise during the flight, it's because they're flying at maximum speed and it seemed we all could meet our connection time. I was like great. He also said we would have transports meeting us on the plane to get us to our terminal or gate. Great. I got on the bus, but it's not leaving immediately, so I began to worry again. It also took quite long for the bus to get us to whichever terminal it was getting us. At this point, I really had no information of where I was and where I was supposed to go. Got into the terminal, looked at the TV, couldn't find the flight to Singapore. I put my phone off flight mode and I had wifi back on and I started getting some messages. The first message was actually about me getting a voucher to book a hotel stay because my flight would be delayed a day. I was still in denial seeing it. The next one was the one that told me that yep, they left me and they booked me a flight for the next day. I was so in disbelief of what was happening. I needed to talk to actual people. I went looking for a Lufthansa counter, found one, it was closed, and it pointed to another counter that should be available. So I walked there only to find it was also closed. At this point, I just let out a big audible, what the fuck?!?! a few times. A guy who was standing by that closed counter said, yes, that is right. Oh my God!!! I couldn't believe what's happening. So what the hell was I supposed to do. I didn't even know where I was. I slowly accepted fate and booked that hotel stay. I didn't know which hotel to choose from the list, so I chose the one that's nearest to the airport. I didn't know where it was and how to get there. I was freaking out and though I think I deserved the freak out, it didn't help. I should have calmed my shit down and figured this out. It took me awhile to understand where I was then to get to the exit and then find the train station. In this freak out, the way I figured out things were in pieces, that when I got to the train station, I was like which station I had to go to that I missed the train that was already there and had to wait awhile - aarrrgghhh!!!
The station that I needed to get off to was Gateway Gardens. When I got off, I was confused on which direction I was supposed to go that when I found the correct exit and looked back behind me I realized I was the only one left from the train and as I was exiting out the station there's 2 guys coming in to the station with drinks and they were meeting their friends and were getting quite loud. I felt uneasy and at the street level it was dark, like really dark. My Google maps couldn't show me where I was and I just walked in a direction that I wasn't sure was correct. It was chosen randomly. I really didn't know where I was going and it's getting really scary. It was dark and there's no people. I studied and planned my whole entire trip to avoid being in situation like this and there I was, lost in the dark. I felt this was the moment where really bad things could happen to me. As I walked, I saw a few guys walking but I didn't feel like asking them - remember the bear or the man, it's real with me, I just couldn't bring myself asking them. I walked a bit more then there was a lady and I tried asking her, but she didn't stop to help, indicating that perhaps she didn't speak English. Then some paces behind her there were 3 ladies and praise be to God, the black lady in the group answered me. Now, I can only make assumptions on who these ladies were. I think they were janitors who just finished working for the day. The black lady was maybe German, but I think she could be immigrant (or maybe they all were immigrants) and originally came from a country where people speak some English. She said one of the other lady was actually going the same direction with me because her bus stop was near the hotel. That lady didn't seem to speak English though and she was slower than me so I just confirmed my direction and quickly walked there. I was so so appreciative of the black lady, truly truly. Google maps was finally working on my phone and finally I got confirmation that I was in the correct direction.
It was a relief to be arriving in the hotel. They found my name on the list and checked me in. I had the brain to ask if they had toothbrush and toothpaste which the receptionist gave me. Another thing that I wanted to ask was that if they also had sanitary pads because period came, it came earlier :( I didn't ask though because the receptionists were two men and again I couldn't bring myself to ask them this. I did have some pads with me but it wouldn't be enough now that I was delayed for more than 12 hours. I saw in the hotel lobby that they were selling snacks and drinks and I ventured to look at one side of the shelf and thank God they did have sanitary pads, so I bought that, paid using the machine. Got to my room. The room was spacious, but very basic. Finally I managed to sit down and absorbed what just happened. By this time it's like 11 pm. Sent message to mom that I failed to get back and would be delayed. I don't know what she thought when she saw the message but when I finally recounted the ordeal, she seemed to understand some real shit could have happened with me being lost in the dark and all. Of all my trips, I think it was perhaps on my first trip alone that I packed an extra set of clothes in my backpack. After that I have never done it because I don't expect things like this to happen and now it had happened. So I could only brush my teeth and go to sleep with what I had on. Ironically I like the firmness of this bed's mattress the most, but I guess it's adrenaline that it took me awhile to fall asleep. I was okay but it was really quite a day - good God.
:) eKa @ 8:21:00 PM • 0 comments
Thursday, July 04, 2024
don't try to change my mind
my mind is mine
Feelings - JGrrey
Day 10 was spent taking a day trip to Warsaw. Was it a good decision? I don't know, I guess. I just felt a bit weird being in a country and not seeing its capital city, though I myself didn't make an effort to go to Berlin in this trip. I chose the fastest train, departure time 08:07, arrival time 10:28. It's a direct train with no stop in between. The train was pretty full. I sat next to a man who was working on his computer throughout. He's corresponding both in English and Cyrillic. I was kinda curious what he does because he's also emailing to a company in China and it seemed chemical related. Okay, maybe it's not that long of a train ride, but I couldn't help it, I looked around. Arriving and exiting the train station in Warsaw, I was stunned by how unexpectedly cold it was. There's a disconnect in my brain between the bright cloudless blue sky and the cold; my brain was expecting heat but I was cold to the point that I was shivering a bit and I wondered if I would be alright. I could only just brave the cold and walk and hope I would get warm soon. Another thing that felt a bit weird for me upon exiting the train station and as I started to walk was that the city didn't feel crowded or busy, like there weren't many people or traffic around. It felt quiet.
The plan for the day changed the night before. I didn't plan to visit the Royal Castle in Warsaw because again I've seen many castles and palaces in this trip, but the night before, I found out that on Wednesdays it's free to enter the castle. I couldn't refuse that. So off I went. Took a tram to get to the old town. The nearest tram stop from the train station was Centrum and it's like this underground walkway that has many exits to the street level. Somehow I managed to find the correct exit for my tram on the first attempt. I was happy about that :D When I arrived at the stop for the old town, there's an announcement inside the tram that said something like please pay attention and be careful because we're exiting to oncoming traffic. Yep, it didn't make sense as I heard that, that I thought there's perhaps some translation issue, but then when I exited out of the tram, I found out it's so true. We're exiting in the middle of oncoming traffic. I guess the drivers there are used to this, so they slowed down to a halt, but it didn't stop me from being shockingly surprised. All was well though. Found a big building that I thought was the castle then I found out it wasn't, but then I found the castle correctly. Also managed to find where the entrance was when I saw a queue. The queue wasn't very long, but it wasn't moving particularly fast, but I stayed on it. The thing I like the most about the castle was that they have painting exhibitions. It's kinda nice to have this chance of looking at paintings because I didn't visit any art museum in this trip. This picture below is a small part of a painting titled Constitution of 3 May 1791 by Jan Matejko, who's apparently a famous Polish painter.
The rest of the castle is as castle does; you have the throne room, chamber, hall, bedroom, chandeliers, ornamental objects, etc. It wasn't super big, so it's not overwhelming.
For more pictures from the castle, you can go here. Below is the exterior of the castle by the way. Just in case you're interested to visit, it's the pink building. Do try to go on a Wednesday for free entrance.
After that I explored more of the old town. Saw some little kids on a field trip. So cute, they're wearing one of those bright safety vests. I think it's a thing they do there in Poland. There were definitely more people in the old town, a lot of visitors. I entered the Archcathedral Basilica of St. John the Baptist which I passed before reaching the old town market square.
My end point was the Warsaw Barbican which was their old city wall and gate. Then I decided to have lunch. Hadn't had anything Polish while there so I went to a restaurant that I googled and had Pierogi and non-alcoholic beer again. The non-alcoholic beer was again good, I'm like totally sold on this now. The pierogi was also good because I chose the safe option (safe for me), potato and cheese. I can't tell what's the difference between pierogi and gyoza. They look the same to me. I will never choose to eat gyoza though because I know they would have spring onion or onion in them, but potato and cheese pierogi, it's a big yes for me.
After lunch, I decided to leave old town and go to the Saxon garden. Got a bit lost on the way there. I'm not sure why, did I stop at the wrong stop? Maybe I didn't understand the stops listed on the route. I seemed to take the longer way to get there, so very likely I stopped at the wrong stop. Anyways, the garden is a big park and kinda nice to walk around. They have a monument, Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, which had guards guarding them (see below).
I wanna talk about these 2 dogs. The first one was this little energetic dog who was running ahead of its owner and stopped and looked at me while I was taking its picture :D The other one didn't seem to have an owner which made me confused. It was walking on its own. I thought it was following its owner, but the guy just walked on without paying attention to it and making sure it was following him. Maybe he's really its owner and he knows it would find its way to him? I don't know. The dog looked pretty well to be a stray and it also looked well-behaved.
I didn't explore all of the garden because I didn't want to miss my train back. It would be disastrous if I did. So I quickly made my way back to the station. I noticed by the garden entrance (the one that I used), there's a really nice smell and I think it came from the flowers, but I don't know what flowers they were. Anyways, the last photo of Warsaw was of Palace of Culture and Science. For more pictures of Warsaw, it's here.
My train ended up delayed. By the platform of my train, there was this stall selling drink, but there's no staff, the one making it was a robotic arm. No one bought the drink though, so the robot arm was just moving randomly. It's a robot, so I suppose it didn't feel bored or sad there's no customer :D All and all I made it to Warsaw and back so that's high five all around. Was it worth making the trip there? This trip was definitely worth the effort more than the one I did to Kutna Hora. Though I wouldn't say that Warsaw was exceptional, I do think that perhaps I needed more time to explore it. I don't think I saw enough.
:) eKa @ 10:06:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, June 28, 2024
Day 9 - Auschwitz - Birkenau + Wieliczka Salt Mine
come here now, you better come fast
come here now, as long as we last
As Long as We Last - Daniel Norgren
Confession: I feel rather ... I don't know the right word to describe it. "Conflicted" would make me sound noble. "Embarrassed" would be closer. This whole entire trip was because I was curious to see Auschwitz, but if I'm going to be honest it's perhaps the same curiosity with the other things that I visited as a tourist, and to put Auschwitz in the same category as other touristy places is downright shameful. So perhaps "embarrassed" is the right word, but I think it's the same curiosity that brings many to Auschwitz too. Of course, there are those who went there to see what their ancestors went through and also there's the many students who went there for a field trip to learn history. Comparing their reasons to mine, my "curiosity" feels frivolous. Then there comes the defence, is it a bad curiosity though? I saw these concentration camps, saw their magnitudes, learned more about history and that is a good thing right? I don't know, I still have that embarrassement in me, also because I felt that perhaps I didn't give enough reverence to the horror that happened there. I guess the only way I could make my visit there not so useless is to share what I saw if people ask what it's like and they have doubt that the holocaust and such camps existed.
I only know of one other person who's been to Auschwitz. It was just a few years ago and I asked her what it's like. I told her I was curious, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever get there. Sometimes you just make things happen I guess, because I did. A realization came to me as I was preparing for this trip and reading on how to get to Dachau and Auschwitz; it's how far I've come that I was willingly going to these places. Me who had to sleep with my parents for a few nights after a field trip to Lubang Buaya. This is a well in Jakarta where several generals' bodies were thrown during the coup of September 1965. I think I was old enough for that field trip, like pass 12 years old and yet I got scared that I insisted on sleeping with parents for a few nights. I recall it was mostly because of the diorama or it could also be that I was scarred enough with the diorama that I blocked out any memory of seeing the well. Bottomline, when I was a child, I would get overly scared with scary things especially movies that I would end up knocking at my parents' room at night and sleeping with them. It's the reason why I don't watch horror movies, even now, because I have no door to knock to. Like, I still couldn't bring myself to watch the movie that used to be shown on every 30th September about that event in 1965. So me now in a stronger mental state that allows me to be able to plan and go to places like Dachau and Auschwitz shows that I guess there's some mental growth with age.
As the title of this post suggests, my day trip that day took me to Auschwitz - Birkenau concentration camp and Wieliczka Salt Mine. The day tour was rescheduled to 06:20 AM, so that's early. I asked the hotel during check-in if I could get my breakfast to go and they gave me a lot that I also had some of it for lunch. I was stunned at the big bag they gave me. Inside there's a small croissant, two small sandwiches, a big bowl of muesli, cereal, with yoghurt, a banana, a pear, and a water bottle (much appreciated). I myself already had a pączki before I left my room. The pick up point that I chose was called Kiss & Ride, a concept which I don't know if it's happening in all of Poland or just Krakow. It's basically a place to pick up or drop off people; as the name suggests you kiss your driver (obviously not your Uber driver) and ride on. Google Maps don't point you to the right place though, it's pointing to like some metres away. Luckily I had scouted the place the day before on my walk around that I managed to find what I think was the correct place and I was right.
Auschwitz is divided into I and II and we arrived at I first where the museum is. Our driver told us the plan for the day and got us our guide. There were many visitors. The first thing we needed to do was to pass security check like what you have in the airport. So that was unexpected. In my group, I was the only one with an actual camera, the rest just had their phones. I wasn't the one who took the most pictures though. I think an American lady in the group took more and I was also respectful of not taking any photo where I wasn't supposed to. I know there's people in my group who sneaked a video or photo in places we're not supposed to. Anyways, after the security check, the first thing we passed was something like a corridor outside where our guide said we'd be passing in silence because there's a reading of all the names of Auschwitz victims being played. I wonder how long that recording plays in full, is it a year? If I'm not mistaken it takes close to 3 hours to read the close to 3,000 names of the victims of the twin towers attack during 9/11, so does it take a full year or more to read the names of all the victims of Auschwitz? It felt really solemn hearing those names as we walked. Then we arrived at the gate with the same inscription as in Dachau, arbeit macht frei (work sets you free).
I'm not sure if you could visit Auschwitz on your own or you would need to be guided. I wouldn't say the guide we had was inadequate, but I think if you're on your own time you may be able to just take a minute to absorb things better, because I was a bit confused about the buildings we entered. Anyways, Auschwitz - Birkenau was the largest Nazi concentration camp and prisoners came from all over Europe (as the map shown below). I didn't take the picture in full, you could see there's line going further north and south. The picture below it also shows how many people died in Auschwitz. Really so few people survived.
The diorama below shows the model of the gas chamber and crematorium. It's horrifying how they packed people to die like that. There were photos that were taken secretly by the Sonderkommando (these were prisoners who were tasked to work at the crematorium) that showed people being marched to the gas chamber and the aftermath, the pile of bodies. The Sonderkommando had such horrible jobs, they literally had to get the prisoners into the gas chamber and cleared the bodies afterwards. It's such a risk taking the pictures and smuggling it out. There's an exhibit that shows the many gas canisters that were used in the gas chamber. There's also other sections where they exhibits the belongings of these prisoners, like their shoes and bags. A section even shows the hair of the prisoners, because everyone was forced to be shaved.
I was truly confused about the buildings we entered because they're really buildings, 3-story high (see below), that I had to ask the American dad in the group if he knew what these buildings were used as before. He said it was used to house the prisoners. I was still confused because it's so different compared to Dachau.
Then we entered the building where it shows what it was like when there were prisoners there. So there's indeed prisoners there. I learned Auschwitz I was previously an army camp so they already had these buildings and I guess they started with housing the prisoners here until they needed to expand and then they opened up Auschwitz II - Birkenau. There's also a wall with photos of the prisoners. Looking at the photos, I was thinking what they must be thinking at that time. I guess they didn't imagine the worst could happen to them? Many of them looked calm and stoic. Among these photographs there were 2 photos of twin girls and I felt sad seeing them there.
Behind the fence below is the SS commandant house. The guide was saying just like how it's featured in the movie, The Zone of Interest. Though there's a fence, the house is actually not very far from the site of the crematorium. The Zone of Interest showed what an idyllic life the commandant's family had and watching it I didn't register that it would be very near to the camp, but it's really so near that it's crazy that one could live happily near such horrible things. Now I actually could understand more the part where the commandant's mother in law in the movie chose to end her visit earlier.
After we're done with Auschwitz I, we were driven to Auschwitz II. Since we're driven, I actually can't figure out how far it really is, like how long it would take to walk there. Auschwitz II is way way bigger. The scale of it really puts one in despair :( When prisoners arrived, they would straight away be sorted out and the weak ones (including many children) would be sent to the gas chamber straightaway. One of the photos below shows the model of the train car they used to transport the prisoners.
On the far end of the camp now stands a memorial with many stones in different languages with messages of remembrance. Side note: here upon seeing one black person, I realized among the many many people visiting that day, I don't think I saw other Asian or other black people and I think there lies the issue. There's this big thing that happened in Europe, this big stain on the western world but for other parts of the world, this may not register as much. To be fair, in Indonesia at that time we're fighting for our own liberation and independence so we're so far removed from the holocaust. The way information travelled then was also not like how it is now. Like, I don't know what's the Nazi news coverage was in Indonesia back then. This big lack of knowledge of this history could be why many people in Indonesia do not think much of the suffering of the Jews during the holocaust because they do not know it and could right now be one-sidedly on the side of the Palestinians which to be fair is not necessarily a wrong stand to take. It's sad, what's happening then and now, all of it is sad. Even after all the suffering, we just can't seem to resolve issues better.
The site of the gas chamber and crematorium in Auschwitz II is now a ruin and nearby there's a memorial. A little pond was like forming behind the memorial and I think there's frogs in them and they were croaking quite loudly and that to me sounded like them voicing out the horrible things that happened there. Maybe it's just me who felt that way.
The last thing we saw were the barracks in Auschwitz II and of all the things we saw that day, this was the one that got me the most. It was worse than in Dachau. Truly heartbreaking. The guide was saying there's not enough space that some people had to resort to sleeping at the bottom on the ground where mice would bite them. Then there's story that during winter, one would wake up with their hair frozen. Can you imagine that? It's so horrible and it really broke my heart. The holocaust was terrible and I wish I could say we are better humans now, but there's still people doing really bad things to other people right now. It's depressing :( For photos from my visit, you can go here.
The second part of the day was lighter. We're going to Wieliczka Salt Mine and we had time before our time slot. So I went to sit down at a bench in a nearby park and ate the remaining of my breakfast as lunch - I did eat some of it in the van. You need to be guided to enter Wieliczka Salt Mine and trust me you would want to because you may get lost. I'm double checking the website as I'm writing this. The tour started with climbing down many many stairs down to level 1 which was 64 m deep. It was like never ending stairs, but luckily we're going down not up. Then throughout the tour we were going from level 1 to 3 which 135 m down. I was impressed by how they set this mine up for tourism. There are dioramas with light show and sound explaining the legend associated to the mine and also about the mining history, for example they had horses working underground. One would think that's animal abuse taking an animal down where the sun don't shine, but I think the guide said the horses were treated well.
One of the highlight, the one that I often see the most in photos, is the big chamber St Kinga’s Chapel (first picture below). There are salt carvings on the wall like the last supper and there's also a salt statue of Pope John Paul II (he's Polish by the way). The miners were really creative. It's also interesting to see that there's a lake. The last photo below is of St. John’s Chapel. The guide was saying that we could book the different chapels for wedding and all :D The salt mine is really an interesting place to visit. For pictures from the visit, you can go here. I didn't do a good job though, many pictures were blurry.
Going back up, we're split into smaller groups and took the lift up. I'm glad there's a lift, but as I said in the lift, if the lift were to break down, I would freak out. One of the girl with me said the same thing. It's because we're all squeezed into the lift, but luckily all went well. It was quite a day. I'm thankful for the opportunity to visit these different places and learn a thing or two.
:) eKa @ 8:25:00 PM • 0 comments
photos.
archives.